family-guy-obey-meBlogging is a lot of work. It’s a simply fact I’m sure we all can moderately agree on. All the time put into formatting, scheduling, promoting, writing, reading can be a little exhausting. As such, it’s not completely unreasonable for us here at Cuddlebuggery to ask authors who wish us to review their book to give a little something in return. Sure, you might be feel that your time is better spent, I don’t know, writing, but it’s literally the least you can do.  If you are an author and had no idea these Author Commandments existed, then rest assured all will be forgiven if you complete these steps within 48 hours. Real life be damned.

1. Buy me chocolate.

2. Jump up and down while patting your stomach and rubbing your head. Or is it patting your head and rubbing your stomach? Oh well, AMUSE ME.

3. Fart the alphabet.

4. Now do it backwards.

5. Wash my car. You missed a spot.

6. Drive me to the toy store. No, the other toy store.

7. Call me Darth Vader.

I'm your father

8. Dance off! You just got served.

9. Read me bedtime stories. With voices.

10. Travel to the ends of the earth and bring back The One Ring to rule them all. My precioussssss.

What’s that you say? You have a deadline to meet for that manuscript you’ve been working on and have no time or inclination to fulfill my ridiculous, frivolous and self-indulgent requests?! Well then I don’t want to review your book! I hope you step on a lego! So there! Neener, neener!

/sarcasm 

Carry on, everyone.

Steph Sinclair

Steph Sinclair

Co-blogger at Cuddlebuggery
I'm a bibliophile trying to make it through my never-ending To-Be-Read list, equal opportunity snarker and fangirl, YA Books Central editor and co-blogger here at Cuddlebuggery. Find me on GoodReads.
Steph Sinclair
We are delighted to kick off this blog tour and welcome Jandy Nelson to Cuddlebuggery as she gives us a glimpse... http://t.co/NJjuCtThhW - 7 hours ago


22 Responses to “The Author Commandments”

  1. I fear you are missing the opportunity to make authors do embarrassing things with goats…
    Fangs 4 the Fantasy (@Fangs4Fantasy) recently posted…Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 12: The Devil InsideMy Profile

  2. Omg!!! This was a great way to start the day!!
    Crystal @ Crystal in Bookland recently posted…GIVEAWAY: Shatter Me by Tahereh MafiMy Profile

  3. smiling_ina
    Twitter:

    You totally just made my day with this!!! Haha I love the “I hope you step on a Lego.” part! Man, stepping on one of those motherfu**ers hurts like a son of bitch! Thanks for this!!! :D

  4. This really did cheer me up after having to reject an author because I just don’t have time! Fantastic Steph :)
    Amanda @ Book Badger recently posted…Review – Ophelia and the Marvelous BoyMy Profile

  5. Good thing I have the weekend free…

    *rolls up sleeves*
    Natalie Crown recently posted…Writing Tips for Young Writers: #5My Profile

  6. 11) Tell me you love me and that MY blog is the best blog ever.
    Stephanie @ Inspiring Insomnia recently posted…Stacking the Shelves # 50My Profile

  7. Oh my God this was hilarious! Legos friggin’ hurt, especially when you step on the corners T__T
    Aimee recently posted…That’s My Girl!: Mackenzie BishopMy Profile

  8. Meg Morley

    Wait, this was sarcasm?

  9. You forgot the first-born clause. That’s why I have a book blog. I want author-bred babies.
    Christine @ Oh, Chrys! recently posted…Book Review: What She Left Behind by Ellen Marie WisemanMy Profile

  10. Damn, girl, I’m your fan! This was amazing!

  11. Hilarious. Loved every single commandment. Chocolate always helps, though.
    AH@badassbookreviews recently posted…The Badass Bulletin – January EditionMy Profile

  12. I love this! Although I think farting the alphabet would be pretty amazing and smelly!
    Missie recently posted…The Little Andriod – Waiting on CressMy Profile

  13. Steph, I think you forgot the part where they’re supposed to name a character after you and put your name in the dedication and devote one whole page in the acknowledgments to the book blogger.
    Shannelle C. recently posted…Gayle Forman Book Signing!My Profile

  14. You should also suggest they give you their first-born child. Ultimate exchange.

  15. Can I add one? Give me free shit! Come on, authors, you make MILLIONS! Where is our free crap?

    Love this post!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #74My Profile

  16. Pretty sure a dance off would result in negative sales numbers for my books.

    Also, LOL on the commenter that said authors “make millions.” If I ever get to be one of those authors someday, I guarantee you I will give away epic amounts of free shit :)
    Paula Stokes recently posted…I Blurbed a Book! + The Collective UnconsciousMy Profile

  17. […] Have you heard about The Author Commandments? […]

  18. Steph,
    What a great break in the middle of my day! I laughed and applauded you for your wit and humor! But are the authors you’ve dealt with that ornery? Thank you for your post and a light moment in the hustle and bustle of my day!
    The Funster recently posted…Are Board Games Becoming More Popular?My Profile

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