Blogging is a lot of work. It’s a simply fact I’m sure we all can moderately agree on. All the time put into formatting, scheduling, promoting, writing, reading can be a little exhausting. As such, it’s not completely unreasonable for us here at Cuddlebuggery to ask authors who wish us to review their book to give a little something in return. Sure, you might be feel that your time is better spent, I don’t know, writing, but it’s literally the least you can do. If you are an author and had no idea these Author Commandments existed, then rest assured all will be forgiven if you complete these steps within 48 hours. Real life be damned.
1. Buy me chocolate.
2. Jump up and down while patting your stomach and rubbing your head. Or is it patting your head and rubbing your stomach? Oh well, AMUSE ME.
3. Fart the alphabet.
4. Now do it backwards.
5. Wash my car. You missed a spot.
6. Drive me to the toy store. No, the other toy store.
7. Call me Darth Vader.
8. Dance off! You just got served.
9. Read me bedtime stories. With voices.
10. Travel to the ends of the earth and bring back The One Ring to rule them all. My precioussssss.
What’s that you say? You have a deadline to meet for that manuscript you’ve been working on and have no time or inclination to fulfill my ridiculous, frivolous and self-indulgent requests?! Well then I don’t want to review your book! I hope you step on a lego! So there! Neener, neener!
/sarcasm
Fangs 4 the Fantasy (@Fangs4Fantasy)
I fear you are missing the opportunity to make authors do embarrassing things with goats…
Steph Sinclair
Omg, you’re right. How could I forget about the goats?
Crystal @ Crystal in Bookland
Omg!!! This was a great way to start the day!!
Steph Sinclair
Glad it made you laugh!
smiling_ina
You totally just made my day with this!!! Haha I love the “I hope you step on a Lego.” part! Man, stepping on one of those motherfu**ers hurts like a son of bitch! Thanks for this!!! 😀
Steph Sinclair
It’s the ultimate form of punishment.
Amanda @ Book Badger
This really did cheer me up after having to reject an author because I just don’t have time! Fantastic Steph 🙂
Natalie Crown
Good thing I have the weekend free…
*rolls up sleeves*
Stephanie @ Inspiring Insomnia
11) Tell me you love me and that MY blog is the best blog ever.
Aimee
Oh my God this was hilarious! Legos friggin’ hurt, especially when you step on the corners T__T
Meg Morley
Wait, this was sarcasm?
Meg Morley
(I was really looking forward to the dance offs)
Christine @ Oh, Chrys!
You forgot the first-born clause. That’s why I have a book blog. I want author-bred babies.
Ella Zegarra
Damn, girl, I’m your fan! This was amazing!
AH@badassbookreviews
Hilarious. Loved every single commandment. Chocolate always helps, though.
Missie
I love this! Although I think farting the alphabet would be pretty amazing and smelly!
Shannelle C.
Steph, I think you forgot the part where they’re supposed to name a character after you and put your name in the dedication and devote one whole page in the acknowledgments to the book blogger.
Natalie M.
You should also suggest they give you their first-born child. Ultimate exchange.
Lyn Kaye
Can I add one? Give me free shit! Come on, authors, you make MILLIONS! Where is our free crap?
Love this post!
Paula Stokes
Pretty sure a dance off would result in negative sales numbers for my books.
Also, LOL on the commenter that said authors “make millions.” If I ever get to be one of those authors someday, I guarantee you I will give away epic amounts of free shit 🙂
Black 'n Write
[…] Have you heard about The Author Commandments? […]
The Funster
Steph,
What a great break in the middle of my day! I laughed and applauded you for your wit and humor! But are the authors you’ve dealt with that ornery? Thank you for your post and a light moment in the hustle and bustle of my day!
JANE THE VIRGIN | Erystory
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