It was hella boring. And I mean, REALLY boring. Almost everyone was gone from twitter. Nothing to do. No one to talk to. I wondered the wilderness alone. Friendless. I was like a zombie searching for anything remotely interesting to consume on the barren landscape that my social media had become.
2. Jealousy is a bitch.
What’s that? You got to met fifteen different authors and watch them drink themselves into a stupor? What? No, I’m not jealous. No I’m not carving a doll of you to spiritually represent you while I stick pins in it. STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Everyone went to super cool parties, got awesome ARCs and partied with all the cool kids. I knitted a scarf for my cat. My cat ate it. Huzzah…
3. Steph can never, ever leave me. Ever.
Blogging without my spiritual partner and blogger wife Steph was hell. Like if hell was a lonely, terrifying world where nothing makes sense and any wrong move could make the blog explode and the world as I know it end. Her return hailed the coming of sense, reason and companionship. No longer was I left adrift in the sea of lonely bloggerness.
4. It’s not as easy to stalk someone on the internet as you’d think
You know that feeling you sometimes have where someone is following you? Watching you? Marking your every move? Yeah that was me. Unfortunately I found out less than I wanted to. It’s hard though. I would have liked to know more. To see through your eyes. To know what you know. To shadow your every move. But you people simply don’t update enough, don’t log your activities online enough. Don’t have your GPS activated on your electronic devices so that I could hack into the remote signal, activate the camera and speaker parts of your phone so I can see and hear what’s going on around you. You are all so selfish!
5. I absolutely must go to BEA next year.
It will happen or there will be blood.