What To Do Now That You’re Goodreads’ 1%

24 July, 2013 Musing Musers 95 comments

beautiful_dirty_rich_by_irisaa-d1v4krmWhat To Do Now That You’re Goodreads’ 1%

This week, Goodreads ran a database query to figure out whose reviews received the most likes and attention.  They took that result and emailed the Top 1% to inform them that they are now Lords and Masters of Goodreads.

On behalf of the Goodreads team, I want to say thank you. You’re in the top 1% of reviewers on Goodreads! Your many thoughtful book reviews help make us a vibrant place for book lovers.

And our community has been growing! We now number more than 20 million members on Goodreads.

Every day readers from all over the world are connecting over a love of books. And our 25 million reviews – including yours – are a big part of that conversation.

Thank you for your support of Goodreads, and keep reading! I’m looking forward to seeing what you think of your next book!

–Otis

Share the news with your friends that you’re in the top 1% of Goodreads reviewers!

Being a Top 1% Goodreader is more than just a position.  It’s a privilege.  This email wasn’t just an empty gesture sent to an approximate 200k people as a means of promotion.  It was letting us know that there is class warfare on Goodreads and that we have won it. No longer are you some chum, hard-reviewing day and night in the never ending rat race to make it onto that coveted Top Reviewer’s list!  You’ve made it, my friend!  Even if you didn’t make a list…

The point is, “making it” on Goodreads is totally meaningful and not at all a splendiforous nothingness that has no tangible effect on anything of importance.  Now that you’re the 1%, you have a duty to your 99% Goodreaders.  A long, time honoured tradition!  And yet, there is also work to be done.  As the top 1% we need a plan, we need a system, we need… a leader!  And dare I say, that leader should be me – for who else is heartless and evil enough for the position?  So, without further ado, I lay out my grand, master plan for your consideration.

Image by Irisa a.

1. Oppress the 99%

The first part of being the top 1% is that you have a sworn holy crusade to crush the 99% beneath your gold-capped heel (gold caps are ridiculous, by the way, since gold is so soft and pliable.  But you don’t care, because you own Goodreads.  Huzzah!)

Now that you’re somebody, it’s important to acknowledge that your effort, and only your effort, is what catapulted you to this position.  And by that logic, all those 99% are simply not trying hard enough or working hard enough.  Why shouldn’t you, the hardest working 1%, receive most of Teh Coveted Likes?  Why shouldn’t you get promoted above all others?  You’re keeping Goodreads afloat!  Single-handedly.

So now make it your crusade to never “like” a 99% review.  Let’s all join a 1% club, exclude 99% as the dirty, huddled, unliked masses that they are, and ensure we get ALL the likes!

2. Take Over Goodreads

It’s simply not enough to covet all of Teh Coveted Likes.  It’s not like they’re something given out for free, with no caps on how many likes can be given, completely arbitrary and of very little significance in the grand scheme of the universe.  No.  They are definitely coveted, but they are not enough.

It’s important to remember that, now that you’re a 1 Percenter, you practically run Goodreads.  If Goodreads didn’t have people reviewing, commenting, browsing, friending, flirting, carrying on illicit online book relationships with each other, then it would be dead.  So, by that logic, since you’re the top 1%, you pretty much own the place.  Now is your chance to stage a coup.  Now that Goodreads has admitted how vital we are as a group, we must band together, insist we participate in Board Meetings, run the Goodreads agenda, and make any and all changes we see fit to the site!

First step is a new search function!  ([/endsarcasm] no, for real, can we make this happen please?)

[Sarcasmresume]

Next step is to carefully monitor who can use the almighty gifs and picture reviews.  My advice is that only 1% reviewers should be allowed to use this.  Hey, if 99% wanted to use pictures and gifs in their reviews, then they should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and make it into the 1%!  Just like we did!

3. Next step: The World!

There really isn’t anything we can’t achieve now that we’re 1%.  I’m waiting for American President Barrack Obama to call me about the American economic crisis.  I’m sure he’s just been really busy.  But I see how much being a top reviewer and 1 Percenter really impacts my…impact on the world.  My ability to write real good has cemented my place in the Universe.  Presently, I am the center of it.

Let’s be clear, everyone should be super proud of this momentous achievement.  Don’t let any sarcastic bitches try to tear it down.  But let’s not let it get to our heads.  We have a whole world to conquer and enslave.  It may take a lot of Teh Coveted Likes, but I’m sure we can do it.  Now, where is that Like button in real life?

Cookiemonster

95 Responses to “What To Do Now That You’re Goodreads’ 1%”

  3. Zemmy89

    I got the email too! Now I don’t feel bad for spending so much time of GR.

  4. Amy @ Book Loving Mom

    Love this post!! I am a 1 percenter also!! Time for us to all take over!!! Lol!

  7. parajunkee

    Well isn’t that lovely… *shoves boot off neck* — I will not be oppressed dammit! Just for that, I’m gonna start a Goodreads list…and and… shit I’m out of ideas. So jealous though. I think I shall go whine on twitter. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

  10. Fangs4Fantasy

    As one of the 1% I demand a crown. A shiny crown! With a gecko on it!
    I believe goodreads thought our first duty as supreme rulers was to spam the hell out of everyone else – judging by the twitter and facebook links. Oh spammed masses, accept the pointless meanderings of your overlords!
    It’s hot, shouldn’t one of these peons be fanning me? Take someone off grape peeling duty and get them a fan!
    And I support our leader Kat’s brutal campaign of oppression against our lessers!  Clearly not only should we have all the likes but all 99% comments should begin with “we are not worthy”! And a peeled grape. I’ve never understood the need to peel grapes, but if I’m the 1% I want peeled grapes!

    • KatKennedy

      Yes! Notice how those share buttons were right there for the pressing…

  11. vitajayne

    All hail the 1%! I bow down to the blogger god and goddesses, my fealty is yours. Please have mercy on my to-read list. May ‘Teh Coveted Likes’ ever be in your favor.
    This post is just lovely, thanks Kat for a great morning read 🙂

  12. Lisa FicTalk

    I will have you know, Kat, that gold may be soft and pliable but it has value AND I STILL WANT MY GOLD CAPPED HEEL THANK YOU VERREH MUCH. 
    I also want a pimped out gold crown… and a scepter. Yeah… and and and… 
    Well, you get the general idea 😉
    Top 1% reviewer in the hiz-ouse.

  13. Dayloro

    Haha! I bow down to all the 1% and look up in wonder & awe hoping that one day I can achieve such success! All the while knowing I never can or will 🙁
    Thanks for the giggles!

  14. VysBlog

    Ahah! This post just made my day. Cheers to us in the 1%.

  16. TheBookRat

    I’ve been wondering how I should abuse my pow- …er, I mean, how best to use my glorious newfound status as a 1%er to benefit mankind.
    Yes. 
    That.

    • KatKennedy

      Yes. Agreed. We must begin world domination immediately.

      • TheBookRat

        KatKennedy So… I read that, and all I can think of now is the “Prepare for total domination (ation)(ation)” thing from Bring It On. So I think our hostile takeover must include jazz hands.

  18. kaethefierce

    I did not receive an email. I should just crawl into a corner and die, shouldn’t I?

      • kaethefierce

        KatKennedy No, sorry, I’m opposed to slavery and also I’m very lazy. You need minions. We all need minions.

  19. Gorelenore

    Thank you for this post! I got the email too and feel so proud of myself. Here’s to all the people who got the email and to those who are working so hard to somdeay get one! 🙂

    • KatKennedy

      May they find no luck because we don’t want the unwashed masses in our club!

    • Kara_M

      Steph Sinclair WHAT?!? You really didn’t get one? That has to be a mistake because I got one and I KNOW I don’t have as many likes as you have.

      • Steph Sinclair

        Kara_M Nope! I don’t think it was based off of likes. Maybe recent activity or amount of reviews or books read? No clue!

        • Kate C.

          Steph Sinclair Kara_M 
          So, you have more reviews than ME, Steph.  I know you have more likes and followers than me.  Maybe all the authors got one?   That could explain why I got one and not you.  
          *confused*  I know it’s not like anyone cares or that it matters, but it is weird, so I wonder what they used to judge it.

        • TheBookRat

          Steph Sinclair Kara_M One of the GR people’s said in a feedback group that it was based on likes, though I don’t know if it’s likes for the history of GR, percentage, proportion v. # of reviews, or what.

        • TheBookRat

          TheBookRat MISTY WHY Y NO GET RID OF THAT UNECESSARY APOSTROPHE?!

    • Kate C.

      I’ve been on goodreads since like 2008 and I have very few likes. I think it’s based purely on reviews, because I’m a one percenter.

  21. Hermyoni

    Since I’m part of the 1% I took it upon myself to party like it was 2012. I did this by dancing around to Gangnam Style while making it rain bookmarks on unsuspecting passersby. That’s how I roll.

  22. a_wordsmith

    As a 99%-er, I shall now become the hero that Goodreads doesn’t deserve but needs. I shall now become THE BOOK AVENGER because if we can’t get an email telling us we have world domination power, then we can sure as hell avenge people like myself and Steph. First person on the list? Kat…I’m coming for you. *begins to flood her Goodreads reviews with pictures of Carlos Danger*

    • KatKennedy

      Haha! I look forward to crossing blades with you, foe!

  23. Carrie

    I mean I never really *needed* an excuse to wear the tiara from my wedding but now I’m glad I have one…ALL HAIL US ONE PERCENTERS!

  24. DawnJayneAuthor

    Congratulations from one of the huddled masses. Unworthy as I am, it warms my heart knowing you’re out there…somewhere…kicked back, swirling a glass of wine, and perfecting maniacal laughter. Carry on!

    • KatKennedy

      Oh Dawn! My maniacal laughter COULD use some work…

  26. Kate C.

    Considering that I’ve gotten about… 9 likes in my entire time on goodreads and I have very few friends or followers, I believe this is based purely on the number of reviews you’ve written. Just a guess. So it’s not really about popularity at all. Sorry everyone! 😉

    • lectus

      I dont think i have gotten 9 likes but somehow I am in there. What if it is a plot to kill us all?

    • KatKennedy

      Hi Kate,
      I got my information off a Feedback thread where Emily, Goodreads Expert Team Leader commented to answer people’s confusion:
      “I’m glad that so many of our active Feedback members received this email! To clarify, there is no list for the top 1% reviewers of all time. That’s why you won’t see it on your profile. We ran a special query in the database to give us a list of the members to send the email to. By “top reviewers,” we mean the members who have written the most popular and most-liked reviews on Goodreads. We sent out the email to the top 1% of that list. ”
      http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1421007-top-reviewers?page=1&utm_medium=email&utm_source=comment_instant#comment_79095995
      Hope that helps!

      • Kate C.

        KatKennedy   It really doesn’t help at all.  Boo!  I am neither well liked nor popular and I demand to be treated like the curmudgeon I am!!
        Seriously though, my reviews have like ZERO likes.  I’m not being falsely modest.  I still say they sent them to all the authors, too.

  27. livin_thru_arts

    Is it possible to be your Lieutenant? I felt thrilled when I received the same email, because I am the most unpopular person ever to walk this planet.

  29. Yael Itamar

    Dammit, I KNEW I should have listened to those STGRB people when they said how oppressive and evil you were!

    • KatKennedy

      It’s true. You should have listened and now it’s too late.

  31. TanyaPatrice

    Yeah – I’m in the 1% baby! I was waiting for fame and fortune to follow … nothing yet – wtf?! Seriously – where is it?!!!

    • KatKennedy

      I assume it’s still in the mail. I’m waiting for mine too…

  33. MeliRobles

    Whaaaa..! I mean is EVERYBODY a 1%? Except me? and maybe a few fellow comrades?! *waves at fellow comrades* I say DOWN with Goodreads! Now where are my pitchforks? I NEED my pitchforks. *Goes out to buy some pitchforks* 
    *Deep breath* Okay, I don’t use Goodreads THAT much, so I’ll let it pass for now. But next time, there will be consequences, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll do something EVIL. I like that thing about using too many gifs in reviews and updates. Yeah, I’ll do that. *insert evil laugh here*
    Congrats to the one percenters! Rule over the universe wisely. Maybe you could turn the world into one huge library, or maybe force everybody to dress like a book character or something. The possibilities are endless. I would do that. 😉 Hihihi << (evil laugh)

    • KatKennedy

      I shall rule wisely and faithfully, swear. Now, do you mind propping my feet up while another 99% polishes them, please?

      • MeliRobles

        KatKennedy aww man! Can’t I do the polishing instead? I’m really good at abstract polishing, sort of like picasso-style. A smudge here and there, it all comes really good together. In fact, I’m the next big thing in the polishing industry. Think about it 😉

  34. lectus

    Damn, I forgot to add that what I meant by “so?” is, can I get a free book now? I hope my comment didnt sound rude!!! And yes, the search function sucks! it annoys me as hell.

  35. lectus

    One more thing, you should definitely investigate what is going there because I m definitely NOT active in GR yet I made it to the list.

  36. angelasanxiouslife

    I am a 1%!!  yea for me… and whatever it means!

    • KatKennedy

      Probably nothing – but let’s celebrate together nonetheless.

  37. hikarinotenshi93

    I got the top 1% email too! This means I get ruling privileges right? Because there are an awful lot of 1%-ters out there :p

  38. VictoriaScottYA

    OMG! I have never laughed so hard. You are a funny one, my dear. I’m looking forward to be oppressed.

  39. kaethefierce

    Oh, joy, oh rapture unforseen! My spam filter had caught it. I am part of the 1%! 

    Now I demand perks!

  40. slayra

    Well… this sounds like an interesting dystopia… xD I mean, utopia. Of course. *runs away*

  41. alexalovesbooks

    Dear Kat – Your awesomeness pretty much knows no bounds. This post cracked me up!

  42. Annie J

    I would totally support you as leader of the 1% – eliticisim is the only way to rule the world! (cue Pinky and the Brain theme song)

  43. SaulTanpepper

    Bwahahahaha! Nice. I mean, you are joking, right? I’ll assume you are, in which case I must ask: Toward what end did GR send this email? I can see only bad things coming from this.

  44. I am part of the 1%! | fundinmentalfundinmental

    […] This week, Goodreads ran a database query to figure out whose reviews received the most likes and attention.  They took that result and emailed the Top 1% to inform them that they are now Lords and Masters of Goodreads. Check out what Cuddlebuggery has to say about it HERE. […]

  45. Heartless_Lyn

    President Kennedy, what shall we do if the peasants of Goodreads rise up and create and Occupy Goodreads movement?

  48. DoingDewey

    I liked this just because I like stats, but I like your post even better 🙂

  50. I’m part of the 1%! | sherryfundin

    […] This week, Goodreads ran a database query to figure out whose reviews received the most likes and attention.  They took that result and emailed the Top 1% to inform them that they are now Lords and Masters of Goodreads. Check out what Cuddlebuggery has to say about it HERE. […]

  51. RICKCARUFEL

    Any data from goodreads is skewed because the resident trolls have gamed all the likes and dislikes.  They condone 1-star no-read reviews so any reviews on the site are worthless.  Goodreads is just another forum taken over and ruined by trolls.  Traffic is already falling and they’ve begun the downward spiral of all forums taken over by troll towards oblivion.  Their letter if not outright lies is meaningless.