Five Step Method To Ensure Non-Plagiarism Real Good

26 January, 2013 Musing Musers 28 comments

Five Step Method To Ensure Non-Plagiarism Real Good

2013 is turning out to be the year of blogger plagiarism.  There have been at least four scandals this week and it isn’t even over yet.  Good people, great bloggers, wonderful friends of ours have been hit with the big P.  I’ve named it the Plagiarism Plague in honor of the event.  It’s like the Black Plague only without the boils and death and fleas.  Truthfully, I don’t know what the Black Plague was, but… yeah, probably not similar at all now that I think about it…

But if you notice something weird, as far as we know, Cuddlebuggery has never been plagiarized.  This is due, almost entirely, to our patented Five Step Method To Ensure Non-Plagiarism Real Good.  If you follow these five steps, then you too, could ensure you’re never plagiarized!

1. Don’t write real good

You know, you really brought this on yourself by being awesome at what you do.  You express yourself eloquently, with style and substance and engage your readers with the power of your written word.  But that’s really hard to do and much easier to fabricate.  The first step to not being plagiarized is to stop putting your words together in a way that makes sense-like.  When a plagiarist sees that they have to move your words in a way that will make gooderer English?  Well, it just takes up too much damn time!  Pretty soon preying plagiarists will be coming to your blog, seeing your jumbled prose and moving along as fast as internet will take them!

 

Grammar and good English is your not-friend.  Words in their order proper is bad.

2. Make up a bunch of words and stick them placewheres

Nothing is harder to plagiarize than nonsense.  I mean, have you ever seen one of those crazy hobbos on the street with their, “The world shall end tomorrow.  Repent and worship the almighty tomato!” sandwich boards, crying that they’ve been plagiarized?  No, you know why?  Because indiscriminate insanity is hard to replicate.  And hey, look at it this way: Shakespeare made up words all the time!  Over 1,700 of them!  Only just because he happens to be a “genius” and “famous” they don’t say he made them up – they say he invented them.  Which is just a fancy word that means he made them up but people didn’t think he was crazy for it!  And you don’t need to be madjuiced either, my readfan!  So what if you’re not a fifteenth century bard celebrated throughout nowish-time?  You’re still a blogsmith and you hobberdanglies often!  And if people don’t know what a hobbergangly is then they can’t steal it!

3. Inject crudeness so massive and erect that nobody would ever think of taking it

Most people consider themselves good, proper people.  To maintain a certain aura of respectability, they have to distance them a little bit from rancid stench of the lowbrow shit-mongers.  So when you talk a lot about bodily fluids, STDs, unmentionable personal processors and bulge your posts with the tell-tale dick jokes that make Cuddlebuggery so great, well that’s not an example most people want to emulate for themselves.  And the great thing about being so flatulent and basking so gleefully in your own odor is that others will keep their distance.  Refuse to acknowledge that you exist, and be ashamed to be seen with you or using any string of words that you have ever put together.  Also, you know, your readership will tend to be simpletons so maybe they won’t even know how to plagiarize any way.  *Steph frantically whispers in Kat’s ear*  Oh, OH!  I totally didn’t mean you guys!  You regular readers of Cuddlebuggery!  No.  You’re the smartest, prettiest people ever.

4. Write about posts so obscure and boring that people can’t stay awake reading them

You know what’s fascinating?  My son has been very sick the last couple of days.  First he woke up with a fever and we rushed to the doctors, but whilst in the car, he seemed to perk up a little and the panadol had kicked in so we went home.  But he’s been on the couch a lot the last couple of days which was really inconvenient because we were in the middle of moving two different rooms.  So. Much. Work.  But our new study is fantastic and the kid’s new playroom is really coming along.  That, considering I’m sore all over.  I think there’s something wrong with my knees and they’re making my hips hurt but I’m still going to the gym… AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?  Amirite?  Amirite?  Now who on earth would plagiarize that bullshit?  Noooooo sirree!  Nobody wants to know about your child’s toilet training, that girl you secretly have a crush on but didn’t talk to for the sixty-eight time.  Your annoying boss is boring, that time your interior designer picked the wrong colour white, which seven cheeses you’ve chosen for dinner that evening – boring, boring, boring!  And if you’re boring enough as you talk about your boring shit then you never need worry about people replicating it and using it as their own.

5. To be safe – never write anything ever

You know, what the hell?  You try, you work hard!  You write a crazy incomprehensible mess, you create nonsense words, you talk about that one time you puked carrots (spoiler: it was every time and you don’t even eat carrots!) and STILL someone plagiarizes you!  It’s like this unfair thing that maybe isn’t anybody’s fault but the plagiarist’s, and might not be something you can control at all.

Clearly, the only recourse left to you is to stop writing altogether.  Don’t let anyone steal your words!  In fact, best make sure that nobody can steal them right out of your head, either!  There’s these things I’ve been hearing about which might be helpful:

tin-foil-hat

So be safe, people.  A lot of good, amazing bloggers have been struck down with Rampant Plagiarized Disorder.  It hits them where it hurts.  It damages the community, and most of all – it proves that good, talented writers are hurt, and suffer the emotional consequences..  That those with talent and a strong voice become victims for that very skill.  And mostly, it proves that we here at Cuddlebuggery are NOT good or talented writers!  Because clearly no one would want to steal our half-baked rantings even at their most desperate.  And you know what that’s called?

Winning.

Maroney_McKayla_vaultfinal_300x375_2012

 

28 Responses to “Five Step Method To Ensure Non-Plagiarism Real Good”

  1. kmartin802

    Perfect! And if you see this on my blog it isn’t because I am a plagiarist. I just happened to have the exact same idea and chose to express it the exact same way. And…if you believe that, I have a really pretty bridge for sale. You can see its picture <a href=”http://goldengatebridge.org/”>here</a>.

  2. Danny_Bookworm

    LOOOL this post is as hilarious as it is sad… It’s sad that there is so much drama going on (again!!!). I was away those last weeks and was in sweet oblivion. I just came back from vacation and hear about all this crap! 

    Love your post :))) Makes me smile!

  6. Princess__Ash

    Hey, Kat, if I ever see you I’m not going to hug you for this. But I will want to.
    And let’s be real, I think we all know the truth: It is you Kat who rebuffs all those plagiarizing good-for-nothin’ trolls–it’s a mixture of your unholy drinking habits and your fabulous use of words like ‘madjuiced’ and the fact that you’re genetically predisposed to ninja-pirate-ness which they would very likely trigger in you, much to their demise. I hope this doesn’t make sense so I don’t have to put a folder up between me and the word-stealing perp looking over my shoulder.
    ALSO: Your advice is probably better than moonshine. I’ll let you know for sure when I’m 21 😉

  7. Fangs4Fantasy

    A lot of what you say in this post is so true – and I
    appreciate the humour presented but I’m beyond uncomfortable with the gif in
    point 1. Sweet Brown has been roundly mocked across the net and back again for
    her way of speaking but it’s hard to avoid the racial undertones of it –
    especially with the ongoing context of Black people being mocked for the way
    they speak, mocked for their education levels and the existence of things like
    code switching that Black people have to adopt because there is such prejudice
    about the way Black people speak.

    Black vernacular English has grammatical rules just like the so-called Queen’s
    English, but faqces attack because of the race that employs it.  The
    purpose of language is to communicate a message that can be widely understood,
    which is something that Black vernacular English more than accomplishes, even
    with people who are not aware of the various terms or nuances. The truth of the
    matter is that no matter the language, there is always a variance.  Even
    White people from the same country will express themselves differently based on
    where they are from, but it never reaches the level of attack that BVE does;
    which is a form of Othering and labelling Black people of ignorance. The
    stigmatizing of BVE is also a way of stripping culture even while words and
    phrases are appropriated by Whiteness. Many terms that are commonly used today,
    like side eye, bogus and cool for example, have origins in BVE.  It is but
    one method of control and gatekeeping, which leads to Black people code
    switching and denying comfortable social conventions in order to receive
    rudimentary social acceptance.  It is a language we hide for fear of
    mockery and why we continually code switch in order to inhabit spaces outside
    of our communities with any degree of success.  The fact that even people
    like Colin Powell and President Powell must do so speaks loudly.  Though
    to some degree this means internalizing shame for our culture, we have been
    given little choice on the matter.
    I love the piece, but that gif and that part of the post
    plays into a very racist meme and an ongoing racist characterisation, shaming
    and gate keeping of Black people. I know the meme has been blasting round the
    internet and back again so you can find it in many places, but it’s still
    deeply problematic

    • KatKennedy

      Fangs4Fantasy The offending image has been removed and I sincerely apologize.  Thank you so much for bringing up this point and educating me on this issue.  Please believe that that had not been my intention.  But, I should have known better.
      I will work hard and keep this in mind in future to ensure it doesn’t happen again.  I will understand if I have lost some of your respect, but you have gained a lot of mine.
      -Kat

      • Fangs4Fantasy

        KatKennedy thank you Kat. I appreciate your apology and that you removed the image.

  8. tigerlilyrachel

    This post is hilarious. It’s so unfortunate that this is all happening, but it’s nice to bring some humor to the situation. P.S. Madjuiced=best word ever.

  9. katlb82

    Hahaha, thanks for that Kat – absolutely what I needed to see today!

  13. parajunkee

    Awesome. Even though it is a shame that there has been a stupid plagiarism plague. The worst too…is that some of blogs being accused should have known better. Not saying teens who plagiarize aren’t as culpable, but really — adult moms, authors…boo!

  14. IolaGoulton

    You is talkin like Ali G and da way they speak in da Staines masif. Or maybe them kids in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome where dat younger Mel Gibs dude rescues doze kids who don’t spk proper. v cool.

  15. readingwishes

    Oh, Kat. Again with the funny!
    Do tell me more, I’m so fascinated. How are your knees going? What’s the
    state of the playroom? Which seven cheeses are you having for dinner because
    some work better together than some and I only want the best, tastiest things
    for you?
    It sucks people are plagiarizing again and four scandals this week? WHAT? I
    think I’ve only heard of two so far. Stealing other peoples work is so wrong but
    with a new year upon us and a fresh start, people should be trying their best
    and doing the right thing. I mean, it’s only freaking January and just this week
    there has been four scandals. I think your right, if we boring and posted boring
    shiz, who in their right mind would steal yout work? They’d be forced to sit
    down, actually use their brain and write something themsleves. But then I ‘spose
    it’d be a loop. The turned plagiarist would become the plagiarized
    (if that makes any sense at all). But then eventually, we’d all be dull and
    boring and fall asleep going through our GoogleReader due to all the snoozefest
    posts. Eh.

  16. Kara_M

    I enjoyed reading this out loud in the car during my road trip yesterday. Dan and I laughed quite a bit. I think what has happened in the community over the last couple of weeks has been pathetic and sad. But it’s good that we can laugh and I think it’s something we all desperately needed right now. This was an awesome post.

  18. sdechantal

    Awesome.  I haven’t heard about the latest plagiarizing but can see where your tips wold be helpful to keep my words from being stolen by some word thief.  Word Thief…. hmmmm… that should be a book.

  21. Annie J

    I’m sorry blogs got plagiarized  prompting this post.  Because that’s not good.  This post, though, this is good.  hilarious 🙂

  24. A Scribe’s 10 Commandments | S E V E N

    […] of which, I recently found a bloggers account of the 5 sure fire ways to avoid being plagiarized: Five Step Method to Ensure Non Plagiarism Real Good by Kat Kennedy over at CuddleBuggery Book Blog. Truly great advice with laughs guaranteed. This […]