Review: Beauty Dates the Beast by Jessica Sims

15 December, 2011 Reviews 5 comments

Review: Beauty Dates the Beast by Jessica SimsBeauty Dates the Beast by Jessica Sims
Series: Midnight Liaisons #1
Published by Pocket Books on October 25th 2011
Pages: 353
Genres: Adult, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy
Format: Paperback
Source: Purchased
Amazon Good BooksBook Depository
Goodreads
one-star

WANTED
Single human female to join charming, wealthy, single male were-cougar for a night of romantic fun—and maybe more.

Me: The tall, sensuous, open-minded leader of my clan.

You: A deliciously curvy virgin who’s intimately familiar with what goes bump in the night. Must not be afraid of a little tail. Prefer a woman who’s open to exploring her animal nature. Interest in nighttime walks through the woods a plus.

My turn-ons include protecting you from the worst the supernatural world has to offer. Ready for an adventure? Give me a call.

Vampires and doppelgangers need not apply.

Author blurb for Jill Myles from the author profile for Jessica Clare:

After devouring hundreds of paperback romances, mythology books, and archaeological tomes, she decided to write a few books of her own – stories with a wild adventure, sharp banter, and lots of super-sexy situations. She prefers her heroes alpha and half-dressed, her heroines witty, and she loves nothing more than watching them overcome adversity to fall into bed together.

If you are wondering why I’m quoting Myles’ author blurb and why it exists on Jessica Clare’s author profile and why it’s applicable to a Jessica Sims’ book then congratulations – it worked.  It worked because for some reason I purchased this book and you might have too.  I read the author bio for Jessica Sims which says some shit about owning cats and playing games.  What it doesn’t say is that Jessica Sims in a nom de plume for Jill Myles and so is Jessica Clare.

I feel absolutely cheated.  I’d already read Gentlemen Prefer Succubi, and knew Myles’ writing to be infantile, her characters dumber than rocks and her so-called plot – pathetic.  I never would have bought this book if I’d known that she wrote it.  I can only assume that is why she has three pen names in the same genre and why two of those pen names are even in the same subgenre!

It’s enough to say that nothing about her writing has improved.  At all.  If anything, the characterization has degraded.  Myles’ blurb might lead you to believe that all those mythology books and archaeological tomes would imply that her writing is full of intelligence and research.  It might make you think that her dialogue is smart, witty and sharp.  You might think that her romance heroes are sexy and her heroines are strong but funny.  It’s all a lie.  One big fucking lie.

Once again her plot was pathetically simple and juvenile making me suspect on how many mythology books and archaeological tomes she’s actually read.  There is nothing funny or cute about her writing.  It is cheap and sloppy as hell.

And her characters.

Fuck my life.

There is nothing witty about them.  Nothing.  Her MC, Bathsheba is a capitulating moron who has no sense – common or otherwise.  Beau is an obsessive, controlling psychopath.  From the moment he meets her he controls everything about her.  There first date is nothing but creepy, gross sexual innuendo.  Just a few hours after meeting her he has drugged her and kidnapped her to his hotel (for her own safety, of course).  Within days he’s kidnapped her again and dragged her to a remote location where he puts her completely within his control.  This doesn’t stop.  The entire book continues like this.

I’m sure Myles will dismiss this as a caring man, concerned about his woman and taking care of her.  My response would be to tell her to go volunteer at a woman’s shelter at some point because that’s exactly where Bathsheba would wind up one day.

When is the picture of what’s sexy and appropriate going to change?  This is not sexy. Abusive isn’t sexy and Beau shows ALL the signs of an abuser.  Spend three months helping a woman escape her abusive, controlling husband and come back and tell me this shit is still okay.  Hear her cry on the phone night after night while he’s in the shower because she’s terrified for her life but physically can’t leave.  She can’t leave because he controls her money, so she has to secretly work over time and squirrel the money away.  She can’t just take her passport and banking stuff.  No.  She has to pretend to be clearing out the study and she has to secret her documents away.  Spend THREE MONTHS storing things for a terrified woman who is agonizingly working, inch by inch for moving day.  I can not express the amount of thought and planning that goes into those moving days.  Some of them will haunt me forever.

When we all have to show up but can’t park in front of the house in case he drives by so we end up carrying boxes two blocks away to where our cars are.  Where we have to board her cat and secretly arrange a garage for her car to stay in and keep plane tickets hidden in her name.  Live those three months with the knowledge that ONE WRONG SLIP and he’ll track her down and beat the shit out of her, kill her or worse – force her back to him.  Something forgotten at home meaning an early return, a call to work where a careless coworker reveals she didn’t come in, him accidentally stumbling on a clue to her plans beforehand.

Do all this and then come back to me and tell me it’s alright to write this piece of crap.  I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to convince me that Beau’s characterization was harmless and just a sexy break from reality.  It’s a fucking tragic reality for far too many women.  And it isn’t romantic.

Kat Kennedy

Kat Kennedy

Co-blogger at Cuddlebuggery
Kat Kennedy is a book reviewer and aspiring author in the Young Adult genre. She reviews critically but humorously and get super excited about great books. Find her on GoodReads.
Kat Kennedy
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5 Responses to “Review: Beauty Dates the Beast by Jessica Sims”

  1. Kristin

    Eeeek. Oh my goodness, the blurb didn't sound that great and your review just makes it even worse. Kidnapping, drugging and uber control issues all on the first date? Count me out.

  2. CuddleBug

    Kristin, yep. And we're talking UBER control issues. The MC can barely breath without his consent!Elizabeth – I think your expression says it all.

  3. Charliee

    If I was Myles, and I had just read your review, I would have shit myself, locked the doors and barricaded the windows. You scare me sometimes, I swear. I admit that I was slightly thrown into the direction of "This could actually be a good book" when I read the blurb. I mean, who doesn't want to read a book about a witty, strong and independant woman? But I think you literally scared me away from ever THINKING about picking up that book O_OLike Kristin said…Count. Me. Out.

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