Buyer’s Remorse: A Guide To Dealing with Bad Books

12 June, 2014 Musing Musers, Random 36 comments

You did it. You went out and bought that book, hoping it would be great. Guess what? It’s not. It was terrible and now it’s just sitting there, taking up space on your shelf. Your library and secondhand book shop won’t take it (they know better) you can’t seem to offload it to any of your friends and you can’t bring yourself to destroy it. We’re here to help.

1. Free to a good home?

This method is for those at least hoping that some good will come of random regifting. Hopefully these books could possibly bring someone the joy they so adamantly failed to give you.

 

 

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2. A household shrine to ward off poor decision making

You made the bad decision and now you’re ready to deal with it. But you don’t want to make such a bad book purchasing decision again. Desperate to ward off the spirits of poor decision making, you build a shrine out of the books to keep them away. Not even those dodgy spirits want to be near their fetid pages.

 

 

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3. Bathroom stool for young children

You don’t care if they piss all over it. You’ve stopped caring all together. CURSE THESE BOOKS WHY DID YOU BUY THEM?

 

 

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4. Gift it to people you don’t like

It’s a last ditch effort to get rid of this book.  You’re hoping the recipient will be too shocked to give it back before you make your escape. It’s the gift that keeps on saying, “Fuck you! I never liked you anyway!” Perfect for at least 30% of people you know.

 

 

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5. Throw it at children who run on your lawn (Try to look as demonic as possible)

These books are your curse. There is no getting rid of them. Time to turn them into a tool to vent your horror and frustration at the world. What better victims than the little brats it was written for?

 

 

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36 Responses to “Buyer’s Remorse: A Guide To Dealing with Bad Books”

  1. Natalie M.

    Oh my God, this is hilarious! I owned the entire Twilight series and went for option 4, though that person is a good friend of mine. She loves Twilight and I think it’s crap, so we’re both happy. Plus, I now have more space on my shelves for new books. Win-win.

  2. Librarian Lavender

    Great post! Fortunately we have a website in the Netherlands called something like market place and there are always takers who will be very happy with my unwanted books :).

  3. Stephanie @ Inspiring Insomnia

    I particularly love the first pic. It says, “I don’t even care enough to to put these books into a non-beat up box.” The only thing that would have made it better would be to put it beside a big, fresh pile of dog shit.

    Confession: I loved the Twilight books.

  4. Rachel

    Oh, this is great! And so wrong! It’s almost too easy to pick on these books though. I want someone to design a button for my blog that reads, “I’m not a book snob; I just don’t like Twilight.”

  6. Samantha

    We have a lot of free little libraries in my neighborhood. They are the home to many books that someone had buyer’s remorse after purchasing.

  7. Ashley

    As someone who is currently purging her book collection. I mean do I really need ALL of these books? (Yes. Of course! But I may be moving!) This post is genius. Love! Adore!

  8. Wandering Meander

    This made me oh-god-don’t-laugh snort in the back of a meeting and now my eyes are laugh-crying and my coworkers are looking at me weird. Way to go.

  9. Fangs 4 the Fantasy (@Fangs4Fantasy)

    When I read a bad book my motto is always that misery loves company and I try to ensure others have the same special experience of having their eyes assaulted awfully as I have had.

    Which is also why I have such awesome recommendations for Cuddlebuggery 😛

  10. Andra

    That’s nasty. At least we can respect the author and his work, even if the book was bad. In this case, some particular books 🙂

  14. Kayla @ The Thousand Lives

    I was giggling the whole time I read this post, especially since I’d do all of these with my Twilight books. Thank God my sister loves them, so I gave her my set. We’re both quite happy now!

  17. Taylor K.

    This is the best. I’m laughing so hard right now. The last two pictures are seriously so great.

  18. Beth W

    You crack me up! Also makes great fuel for fires, and addition to compost heap. ALSO also: BookMooch. Someone, somewhere, wants that awful book.

  20. Sarah P.

    This post is brilliant. My neighbor happened to have given me her entire Twilight books and I accepted. This happened because of reasons a) she bought herself the hardcover ones (incredible waste of money IMHO) and b) I wanted to have the books so I can hurl them at anyone who crosses me. I almost wanted to burn them but then I think of the trees so I just use them as cockroach killer. Splat. There, now they can be put to good use.

  22. Natalie

    Perfect,

    I think I left my copy of Twilight behind when I moved out of my home. It’s mum’s problem now. MWAHAHAHA.

  23. Lyn Kaye

    What about the option “Make it into a planter?” Or is that just for Rice books?

    LOVED this. I laughed so hard the cat ran away and tried to dial 911.

  24. Kanika Kalra

    HAHAHA, this is hilarious! I have a better way of ensuring that I never have buyer’s remorse, though. At least in the case of books. I never buy a book I’ve never read. I read a book by borrowing it from a friend or the local library, and buy it only if I love it. Consequence? I have a perfect bookshelf! HA.

  26. Sophia @ Bookwyrming Thoughts

    I’ll keep the first in mind.

    The problem is… ebooks can’t be given away. >_<

    Although I guess making a very bad version of a 3D book with the title and poor drawing of the cover and then ripping it apart is probably a really good idea. 😀

    Oh, hey, that COULD be an option. Great post! 😀

  28. Clairie

    This made me laughing out loud! I had the same problem, I used to have a lot of books I didn’t like… I sold some of them through Facebook but then I discovered a Little free library near my school. It’s a great idea of a small box which looks like this, where you can take a book and return it, so I am leaving all of them there. I hope someone is enjoying them… 🙂

  31. Mel@thedailyprophecy

    I gave my Twilight collection to my sister, haha, but not because I don’t like her. It’s just an easy way to get rid of them and she didn’t hate them as much as I do. I like the idea of leaving books on places in the hope someone else takes them.

  32. April Books & Wine

    I can’t stop cackling. OMG OMG OMG. I need to do number five to my awful neighbors. OMG OMG.

    Excuse me I look like a giant moron for all this cackling.

  33. Alise

    I love everything about this. I sadly keep my crappy books, just stuff them way way back on the bookshelves but I like these ideas. Oh, I did use some bigger books I didn’t like to support a fishtank on a bending shelf though. It’s still holding up so I guess I got my money out of them there.

  34. Melanie

    I always just hand mine off to the local thrift shop, on the small, unlikely chance that some poor soul will love it much better than I. But hey, the demonic throwing of books at irritating people sounds pretty good too.

  35. Fivezenses

    Why not use the books to make into decorative books for the house instead? Like mod-podge them for all kinds of things too! heck use one to cut out the middle and store stuff in. No one you know would think to look in there 🙂