Book Blogging Rules You Must Follow

10 August, 2013 Musing Musers 43 comments

Ceiling cat vs basement catIt is not a fact well known, but I invented book blogging.  Don’t be deceived by the fact that my blog has only been running for a year.  Years ago, just after I received my doctorate in Extreme Ass Kicking, I decided to invent book blogging.  After creating this institute, and spending a lot of time on random websites looking at pictures of cats who like cheeseburgers and can’t spell, I have realized that I hold within me the intangible guide to book blogging.  I present you now with a list of rules that can never be broken and must be immediately enacted on all blogs.  You’re welcome, little small-minded people.  I know you have been struggling, trying to eke out a blog in this untamed wilderness.  But let me bring the light and civilization you so obviously need. No need to worship me.  I only ask for your unending devotion.

1. All Reviews Must Reference the Almighty Lord and Saviour, Cthulhu.

2. No reviews may be posted on the much holy Frigg’s Day.  If you do this, publishers will be disgusted with you, curse your children and refuse to send you any more ARCs.

3. You must make a sacrifice of ONE beanie baby per post and this sacrifice must occur on an altar constructed out of dried bubblegum pieces that you built yourself.

4. Always cover your mouth when you ARC and be sure not to spread your ARCs to others.  You can’t effectively medicate against ARCs but you can control your exposure to them.

5. Authors are the only deity you are allowed to worship other than Cthulhu who works for them.  You must never cross the Beloved Authors.  You must love everything they do, never criticize their work and spend your every free second providing free marketing services for them.

6. Never take the Holy Blog’s name in vein.  That blog being Cuddlebuggery.  Cuddlebuggery is sacred and you must attend Cuddlebuggery at least once a week to have your soul cleansed. Every day is better though.  And always tithe with a comment. This isn’t for our benefit, of course, but for YOURS.

I hope this completely inflexible, unresearched and entirely biased list of arbitrary rules fares you well in the rough, heathen-filled land of bloggers.  We will be actively policing these rules to ensure moral rightitude among the congregation.  You can expect an audit of your blog soon.  Try not to quiver in fear or weep silently at our judgement.

Much love,

Kat Kennedy

 

43 Responses to “Book Blogging Rules You Must Follow”

  1. Alyssa Susanna

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Love you, Kat. You rock 😉

    Alyssa @ <a href=”http://eaterofbooks.blogspot.com/”>The Eater of Books!</a>

  3. Octavia

    Oh mighty book blogging inventor Cuddlebuggery. *bows repeatedly*
    MWahahahaha this is fan-flipping-tastic!

  4. Steph Sinclair

    @Alyssa Susanna Psst… if you go to your Livefyre account and select “sites” you can have your blog link automatically link up at the bottom of all your comments on all sites that use Livefyre. It’s not easy to find, but I hope they change that in the future!

  5. gypsyreviews

    I REFUSE TO BE SUBJECTED TO THESE RULES. YOU’LL NEVER MAKE ME, NEVERRRRRRR!! *runs into the shadows* 
    Then again, if there’s dessert involved in all of this, I might comply >:)

  7. littleread1

    Well I am relieved! I have been doing everything right, without even knowing all the rules, all along! But thank you for posting, I had a post scheduled for Frigg’s Day, and I will immediately reschedule.

  8. BookDen

    I think you need to ask Cthulhu which beanie baby he desires before making your sacrifice. You could get blacklisted by your Almighty Lord and Saviour if you don’t.

  10. Charlotte

    What if we fail the audit, Kat? Will there be a purgatory where we can reflect and repent the blog crimes that we did? Or we go straight to hell? 
    Can you please point me the church of Cthulhu so I may start doing prayovers for those bloggers who defied the rules and possibly be punished eternally? 
    Thanks.

  13. RinnReads

    I’m assuming that in this case, hell would be a place devoid of books… eek!

  16. Nara L

    Well woe betide me if I don’t leave tithe by leaving a comment.
    All hail the mighty Cthulhu!

  18. DeniseZaky

    Holy Frigg! I am scared to leave the page without my tithe – I am just certain someone will know and I will have to leave double next time o_O I am in such a quandary, what am I to do; I have no bennie babies – hits head on desk . . .

  19. alexiareads

    Bwhahahahaha! This is a GENIUS post Kat.
    Nooooooooooooo not my beanie babies! *runs away with all my beanie babies in my hands*

  20. chapteriosity

    You awesome people at Cuddlebuggery never fails to make me laugh!

  21. Christina2227

    Oh Cuddlebuggery, seeker of truth and warrior of infinite publishing knowledge, we heathen-filled land of bloggers would be doomed to an absolute eternity of bookhell if it weren’t for your constant guidance and  wisdom. Thanks for always being that beckon of light in a land of darkness writhing with the demon souls of those that failed to sacrifice their precious beanies or kiss the asses of all the authors. It’ll be tough, but now armed with your list of rules, I feel like my soul has been set forth on a path of righteous enlightenment.
    Thanks for the laughter, I needed that today.
    Paying my tithes and praises to Cthulhu,
    Christina(2227)

  22. Bekka

    I confess, I’m a major blogging fuck up.

    My altar is constructed of Laffy Taffy.  I thought no one would notice – and no one has! – but it’s been eating away at my conscience for a long time.  I beg for your forgiveness.

  23. Riley

    Well, I’m screwed.  I was never allowed to have Beanie Babies (they were “too expensive” according to my dad) and thus have nothing to sacrifice.

  26. My Friends Are Fiction

    So I really would like to be infected with ARCs…any blogs willing to ARC on me? Please?
    I await your audit *quivers in fear. Bows and hands over tithe*
    <a href=”http://www.myfriendsarefiction.com”> My Friends Are Fiction</a>

  28. Kara_M

    OH thank you for doing this. You always manage to turn a drama-filled day into one of hilarity. I bow down to you and your blog.

  29. sarahhipple

    I leave here my tithing comment. I hope ye Holy Blog finds it to be acceptable. I am afraid I am much too attached to my remaining beannie babies to be willing to sacrifice them. Fortunately, that is not required of me, a lowly blog reader.

  30. Emma Alistair

    Accept my tithe oh holy goddess and dictator of my book choices

  31. AnitaCathyTruong

    Steph Sinclair Christina @ Christina Reads YA 

    Okay, that made my day…

  33. Fangs4Fantasy

    *snerk* All praise holy Cthulu and his blessed author minions, we are not worthy!
    Damn, I broke my bubble gum altar

  34. ReadingInWinter

    Ha ha … love it. 🙂 Perfect after that “other” blog post came out.

  36. brokeandbookish

    LOLS to this. I hope you will be tazing people who don’t comply!

  38. cynicalsapphire

    *hisses* I worship Jesusblythe and thou art blasphemous!

    *genuflects* You know, just in case. Good to have all the bases covered.

  39. vitajayne

    #3. The horror! I feel like saying “For the love of beanie babies everywhere!” from now on. It should be a thing. Let’s make this a thing.

  42. anyaejo

    But I can’t chew bubblegum! Does it have to be self-chewed or can we get an apprentice to help?