I probably shouldn’t have read this. If you read the pre-read section at the bottom of the review, you’ll see that I didn’t even intend to order it. Yet, since I had it, I thought I’d give it a go.
I lasted 24 pages because that’s all my sanity could take.
Laurel is a magazine-beautiful, waif-like teenager who leaves homeschooling in grade 10 in order to begin her high school career.
And that’s when the story stops making sense. Not that the above makes any sense either. Models in magazines aren’t even as airbrushed beautiful as models in magazines. I would just like to point that out now.
The comment could fly past as poor characterization and sloppy writing if it didn’t go hand in hand with Laurel’s horrible relationship with food. In fact, a great deal of emphasis is placed on what she eats. Once again, not entirely a problem except attention is also placed on how she feels when she eats. Which is guilty and “like a battle has been lost” when she eats half a pear and half a cup of juice.
I know, random guy, I know.
The writing is just terrible and the characterization can’t even be mentioned because I’m pretty sure Goodread’s lax profanity rules would not cover what I would end up saying.
Mostly, it’s all so very saccharine sweet and ickly chaste, yet oddly kinky and unbelievably tame. I feel like I’m describing Disneyland here, but if I do, that might make people think of fun. Notice I deliberately left fun off the list. But, luckily, there was comparable amounts of vomit.
Spoilers below, folks.
Apparently. APPARENTLY, Laurel is not actually a human, but a fairy. And the reason she is a vegan is because she is a plant. Like, as in, she is not a red blooded mammal but is an actual plant…
I’m sorry, I’m going to need a judge’s ruling on that.
Thank you. Steve Carell. I think you’ve said it all.
Look, you just. You don’t do that. You just…don’t. I mean, what school of biology did you go to? The Stephanie Meyer School of Biology, that’s what!
I mean, and correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t 8th grade biology talk a lot about how plants photosynthesize to make energy and how they do respire but at night when there’s no light and about how they don’t have things like digestive systems and they don’t have blood but, hey they do have Chloroplasts and Chlorophylls. And how they don’t digest nutrients by eating them but by absorbing them through their roots. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of thought put into this.
I mean, look at organs like the brain. How does her brain work? They need A LOT Of protein. A huge amount actually. Which you can get by eating a healthy vegan diet, but she’s not even doing that.
Scientists don’t look at an ape-like creature and have this conversation:
“So, Doctor Rosenbaum, what do you think it is? Mammal? Reptile? Plant? Rock?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know. If only there was some way of determining these things! Look, just to be safe, put it down as a bird. Just because it doesn’t fly – doesn’t mean it can’t!”
I used to think that the old troll argument of, “You’re overthinking it! Stop thinking so much and you’ll enjoy it!” was full of shit. But, in this case, they’re right. My highly developed mammalian brain just can not handle this level of stupidity. But even if I could somehow switch it off. Well, there enough other bad stuff in here that would spoil it anyway.
_____________________________________________Pre-read comments______________________________________
I’m not entirely sure why I’m reading this. For some reason I thought there was some controversy over this author and that I’d barred it, but it’s not on my Do Not Read shelf so I must have been mistaken.
I went to pick up books from the library this afternoon and it was among them. I don’t clearly remember ordering it so I asked for the order date and went home to Mr. Kennedy. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “Hey honey, was I drinking heavily on the 15th of December?”
Mr Kennedy: “Hmmm…the 15th was a Thursday. That’s Corona day.”
Me: “Ugh. Okay, definitely drunk. That explains it.”
Mr Kennedy: “Let me guess, you found traffic cones and police hats again?”
Me: *Thinks for a second* “That probably would have been the preferable outcome.
Penny
Hey Kat, love the review. I admire you for getting 24 pages into this book. I only got to page 2. P.S. I have a friend who attended the same university as Pike, in fact knew her personally, and she said Pike wore a cape everywhere. And it's not like she was really really young at the time. Girlfriend was married and everything.Not that I'm a Cape-ist or anything. Or maybe I am. It's just…I tend to think cape wearers are
Anonymous
I loved the review! I completely agree with you! However, unlike you, I read the entire book! I wanted to cry after finishing the book for wasting my several hours reading that ****! Not only was it confusing, it was horrible. It didn't have a normal plot. It wasn't in any ways romantic, or had any real romance in it. There was no real adventure, to be considered as an adventure book. There was one of the worst love triangles I have ever read of (can it even be considered a love triangle?) And she was a plant! A freaking plant! As soon as I read that part I decided to drop the book, but curiosity got to me. I finally believe in the saying "curiosity killed the cat." So again, great review! *thumbsup* Look forward to reading more of your reviews.
ARC Book Review: Lies Beneath by Anne Greenwood Brown | Cuddlebuggery Book Blog
[…] or miss” titles. But, I will say that if you are a fan of Hush, Hush, Twilight, Evermore, and Wings this may be up […]
Anonymously Amused
HA! This review really gives me a few laughs! First off, what kind of book reviewer does not read the book in its entirety? The book was written in 290 pages, not 24. How are you to judge the book based off of the first 24 pages? By the way, Aprilynne Pike does a marvelous job of explaining how Laurel’s body works and how she operates as a plant-like human. Not that you would know, because you did not bother to spend your “precious” time to read the rest like a professional. Seems to me, that we have an amateur book reviewer here and its no wonder because you don’t even have a proper vocabulary. I took my time to read your whole review and would like to send an apology to any person who had to read this poorly written piece too. And you must be the most closed-minded person! How could you possibly call yourself a book reviewer if you can not appreciate all types of book genres? Believe in more than fiction, it might help improve that sour attitude and mouth of yours.
Steph Sinclair
@Anonymously Amused First off, if you are going to comment, I would appreciate it if you didn’t result to personal insults to any of the reviewers on this site. Secondly, this is a DNF review (Did Not Finish) which is stated and labeled as such. If you do not agree with writing DNF reviews then this may not be the best blog for you. This is not a “professional” review site.
Furthermore, I have read this entire series and I agree with Kat’s assessment of Laurel. Disliking this book does not indicate a lesser appreciation of other genres. You’re making quite the leap in logical thinking there.
Steph Sinclair
@Anonymously Amused First off, if you are going to comment, I would appreciate it if you didn’t result to personal insults to any of the reviewers on this site. Secondly, this is a DNF review (Did Not Finish) which is stated and labeled as such. If you do not agree with writing DNF reviews then this may not be the best blog for you. This is not a “professional” review site.
Furthermore, I have read this entire series and I agree with Kat’s assessment of Laurel. Disliking this book does not indicate a lesser appreciation of other genres. You’re making quite the leap in logical thinking there.
Anonymously Amused
HA! This review really gives me a few laughs! First off, what kind of book reviewer does not read the book in its entirety? The book was written in 290 pages, not 24. How are you to judge the book based off of the first 24 pages? By the way, Aprilynne Pike does a marvelous job of explaining how Laurel’s body works and how she operates as a plant-like human. Not that you would know, because you did not bother to spend your “precious” time to read the rest like a professional. Seems to me, that we have an amateur book reviewer here and its no wonder because you don’t even have a proper vocabulary. I took my time to read your whole review and would like to send an apology to any person who had to read this poorly written piece too. And you must be the most closed-minded person! How could you possibly call yourself a book reviewer if you can not appreciate all types of book genres? Believe in more than fiction, it might help improve that sour attitude and mouth of yours.