Turn away ye babes of the womb! This book may be unsuitable for people under 17 years of age due to its use of sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and/or violence.
Random Reads: T-Rex Troubles by Christie Sims & Alara BranwenT-Rex Troubles by Alara Branwen, Christie Sims
Series: Standalone
Published by Self-Published on September 3rd 2013
Format: eBook
Genres: Adult, Erotica
Pages: 19
GoodreadsGood BooksAmazon
two-stars
Warning: This is a tale of monster sex. This story was written to unlock your darkest fantasies and innermost desires. It is not for the faint of heart and is not your mother's erotica. All of the sexual descriptions found in this book are very explicit in nature. It's not suitable for someone under 18 years of age. Read at your own risk.

In a land before time, Layla hunts for her tribe. The men belittle and threaten her, a woman who hunts like a man, until, desperate, she sets out alone after the most fearsome beast in the world- a T-Rex.

As she hunts the giant predator, a very special T-Rex is hunting her- this T-Rex has psychic powers and a desire for human flesh. Naked and alone, Layla bargains with the beast: her body for her life.

Can Layla accept the beast’s carnal demands? Can her body accommodate its relentless desire? Can she hold to her part of the bargain? Or will she become the T-Rex’s next meal?

What an orgasmic read! Thank you to Christina (Reader of Fictions) for recommending me this… interesting… book! But really, it’s more of a short story since it’s only 19 pages long. I’m not gonna lie, for $2.99 I expected something a little longer (PUN TOTALLY INTENDED).

This is the latest craze in erotic stories and I’ve seen karen reviewing them here and there. Something about Raptors and Octopuses. But T-Rexes?? How is that possible, I wondered?! Their arms are so tiny…

 photo littlehands_zps84302deb.png

How can they grasp anything? Maybe I was over thinking this. But really! Just think, it could have been any other dino that could reach… his members… but no! These authors challenged themselves. You just don’t get this level of commitment in literature anymore.

 photo sadtrex1_zpsaff660c7.jpg

Anyway, this book, guys. I’m not sure where to start. I mean, you have this woman who isn’t well respected as a hunter in her tribe because she just happens to be blessed with a vagina. This honestly ticked me off a bit since she was also having “relationship” with one of the douche bags and she clearly didn’t like him. He reasoning being he was the best rutter out of the lot, but he never seemed to satisfy her and their sex revolves around his desires anyway. So in order to escape the jeers of the men, she sets out to find the biggest dino she can find. Why not, right? Sounds legit!

So there she is just walking around, minding her own business. Nothing to see here expect for a maiden going for a cool swim. But suddenly, a horny T-Rex spots her!

 photo trexandwoman_zpsae4ba960.png
I don’t know where she got that outfit.

Layla’s not exactly dumb because she knows she better haul ass. But unfortunately for her, she runs into the dino that can read minds and does mind control. GAH, I swear, 99 problems! At this point, I was feeling pretty sorry for the girl. She’s got to deal with sexism in her tribe and then she runs into a Fifty Shades of Fucked-Up Dino who’s experienced in the ways of making a women have ultimate pleasure in exchange for her life. Don’t try to wrap your mind around that. It’ll explode, I assure you.

So Layla’s laid out (HAHAHA. PUNS OMG) on the grass giving herself the business while the dino watches on with glee, making her do various things with his nifty mind control. This, of course, turns him on and his mystical peen appears out of nowhere.

And from between its legs grew a staff, towering and thick, tan in color and throbbing with veins: a prick.  

A dino prick! Thick as a small sapling trunk, throbbing and swollen, growing still as I watched in horrified fascination.

And that’s when I went, “What the fuck am I reading?” So naturally, I continued because the T-Rex dude isn’t finished with Layla. Not to mention, I was finally at THE PART. I just had to find out just how this dino sex thing was going to work!

Obviously, Layla is a human and way too small for the usual kind of action. It’d be like fitting something the size of a watermelon through a grape, and that’s far, far from sexy. Probably leaning towards horrifying. But this is dino erotica! You must use your imagination!

All T-Sexy wants is a little rub, rub!

A monster’s cock, throbbing and leaking from its giant, swollen tip. “Mount me,” said the beast. “Please me as you can, for watching you pleasure yourself has made me eager for more.”

OMG! Talk dirty to us T-Sexy! My body will never be ready!

But Layla’s was! Again! So she starts rubbing and then, eventually, grinding.

 photo sexup_zpsd8f9fb56.gif

Then there some sort of riding was done, that probably closely resembled riding a mechanical bull, I guess? Giddy up?

And she’s all, “Ohhhhh, T-Sexy!”
And he’s all:

“Yes, Layla,” said the oddly human voice. “Yes, make your dino master cum!”

!!!

What the actual… And then I’m all, “SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!”

**INSERT A MOUNTAIN OF DINO JIZZ HERE**

Layla’s happy and T-Sexy’s happy. In fact, Layla has never experienced that sort of pleasure before and it only took a dino for her to realize it. Huzza! Who needs men, amirite? But the thing that got me was that T-Sexy went all Drake on Layla, telling her she’s the best he ever had out of all the other girls (WHAAAAT??). So even though, she’s free to go back to her sexist clan of douche canoes, she takes T-Sexy’s offer to stay with him. Because, why not, yeah?

Mediocre sex with assholes or incredible rough sex with T-Sexy?

 photo T-Rex_o_130295_zps20ee6ab4.jpg

No contest!!

You should all go add this to your TBR list. I bet it’s going to be a genre changer for erotica! I suspect a Jurassic Park reboot coming to an X-rated theater near you!

/sarcasm

 

And since I’m the best co-blogger ever, I’ve sent this lovely to Kat for her next Cuddlebuggery Reading Time. You’re welcome, readers!

Review Suggestions

Are there any books you're curious about, but can't be fucked reading them yourself? Make Kat and Steph do your dirty work! You can either suggest books that are already published or ARCs/books that we currently own. Acquiring books we don't own will depend on our local libraries' availability. Check out our shelves below for books and ARCs we currently own:

Steph: Print ARCs | eARCs | Books I own
Kat: ARCs/Books to read

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Steph Sinclair

Steph Sinclair

Co-blogger at Cuddlebuggery
I'm a bibliophile trying to make it through my never-ending To-Be-Read list, equal opportunity snarker and fangirl, YA Books Central editor and co-blogger here at Cuddlebuggery. Find me on GoodReads.
Steph Sinclair
Review: Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare http://t.co/4hsN3u5HaF #CuddlebuggeryArchive - 2 hours ago
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41 Responses to “Random Reads: T-Rex Troubles by Christie Sims & Alara Branwen”

  1. WOW!!

    I’m blown away right now!!

  2. Holy shit! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile! The Bad Girls & I were were just talking about these new dino porn books the other day. LMAO
    A Voracious Reader recently posted…My October 2013 InD’tale Magazine ReviewsMy Profile

  3. O______________________O

    *has no words*
    Jessi @ Auntie Spinelli Reads recently posted…2013 Sequel Challenge: September Wrap-UpMy Profile

  4. Sallie M

    Ok, this review was spectacular. I would also like to point out that when you click the Amazon link, it shows this book among other children’s books… and then, you have the reviews for each of the books in her dino series. The reviews are spot on and informative. I highly enjoyed this adventure, and look forward to the next installment!

  5. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m DYING over here. I have been seeing these books everywhere lately on FB and have been laughing but your review has me in stitches! OMG> hahahaha
    Tiffany H. (@a_tiffyfit) recently posted…SPOTLIGHT: GATHERING STORM by Victoria Danann – Book Five in THE ORDER OF THE BLACK SWAN seriesMy Profile

  6. Best review I have read in a long time! I’m still laughing!

  7. OMG, I’m so freaking excited to see Kat’s face when she’s reading this. Honestly, how will she be able to keep from cracking up over those descriptions???

    Excellent review, Steph. ;)
    Kate Copeseeley recently posted…Still Obsessing…My Profile

  8. You just turned twelve today, Steph xD

    I saw this on my goodreads feed, but not as much as everyone else. This is……. disturbing in many ways. O.O
    Neyra recently posted…Cover Reveal: Infinite Possibilities by Lisa Renee JonesMy Profile

  9. Yeah, dino-love…WTF??? ALL I can say is “ouch.”

  10. Well, this is…different lol
    Shane @ Itching for Books recently posted…Review: This Song Will Save Your Life by Leila SalesMy Profile

  11. OH MY GOODNESS. I can’t even.

    Thanks for taking one for the team Steph! Honestly I’d feel a little ripped off spending that much on 19 pages.
    Cassi Haggard recently posted…Feature Friday – Popular book I haven’t readMy Profile

  12. MJ

    Anytime I see this book I just start giggling. I might actually have to fork over the two bucks and read it even though the logical part of my brain keeps thinking of all the logic issues involved here. And it’s only nineteen pages? That’s short. It’s probably a good thing though, I think Layla and the T-Rex probably would’ve had issues if he would’ve gotten hungry.
    MJ recently posted…Olivia Twisted: Vivi BarnesMy Profile

  13. My mind is forever scarred.

    How did you give this 2 stars and not less?!??! o__________o
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: This Song Will Save Your Life by Leila SalesMy Profile

  14. How disturbing that someone has fantasies like this..
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Fairytale news 18. Retellings 2013.My Profile

  15. I shall remain forever scarred… I still cannot me wrap my head around the idea… I wonder what will come next :P Unanimate objects??? :P
    Rashika recently posted…Sunday Post and Showcase Sunday #17My Profile

  16. Good god, is this book even for real? Is this review not a product of my hallucinations? I swear my respect for Mr. T Rex–who I loved ever since I laid my eyes on him on Jurassic Park– has just gone dowb the drain. I will never look at T-Rexes the same way again.

    And oh look, this author Christie has a fetish for Dinos I think. Just checked Amazon and all her books are Dino Eroticas. Raptors, Pterodactyls, Triceratops, Velociraptors. No. No. No. I need to take a break from watching dino movies and reading eroticas.
    Charlotte recently posted…Filipiniana Sunday {3} + Book Review: Queen of the CluelessMy Profile

  17. Can I just say that more concerning to me than the fact that Jurassic Park sex is now apparently a thing is that it took you THAT long to wonder what the fuck you were reading.

    Atleast now when I have a nightmare about T Rex and the various Raptor colonies trying to kill me I can taunt them for being unable to touch their peni. It will CLEARLY only lead to good places.
    Lauren’s Loquacious Literature recently posted…Quote of the Week (33) Freedom, Solitude and MademoiselleMy Profile

  18. Fifty Shades of fucked up Dino. Best Line Evar. Maybe T-Sexy and Christian can shake, er, hands?
    Or maybe not.
    Lisa (Fic Talk) recently posted…Comment on Cover Reveal for Ride by JC Emery by Lisa FicTalkMy Profile

  19. We truly are the best of friends.

    I have no regrets about how hilarious this is. Plus, you got it done SO QUICKLY, which is apparently about how much time a t-rex takes to shoot his massive wad from a lady sliding on his t-rex tree trunk sized penis. If I understood that correctly, which, honestly, I may not have.

    You are welcome.
    Christina (A Reader of Fictions) recently posted…Top Best and Worst Series EndingsMy Profile

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