Hellosie doosie. Alonso the Drunken Unicorn here to make the world a little bit more awesome. I can do that because I am a magical unicorn, filled with wonder and mystery. And drunk, but that’s okay because I’m drunk on the tears of joy of young children all over the world. And alcohol. It’s a 50/50 thing, really. I’m here advise you on every facet of life, love, reading and blogging. But mostly the reading and the blogging thing. So as my hair tosses majestically in the wind and my horn sits proudly erect upon my wizened brow, I present to you my wisdom.
Every girl or guy reads that book. Not just any book, but THAT book. The book for them. Their first booklove. There’s nothing like your first booklove, which, depending on how deep that love is, can lead you to become a bookslut of the highest, most vulnerable order. A true bookslut is the best that any of us can hope to become. Yet that pathway of greatness can only be achieved if you can learn to survive the Great Book Rebounds that are bound to happen frequently.
I remember that first book love I had. I read it upon the riverbed of heaven’s Avalon and wept salty tears of joy with every word that passed by, as each one brought me that much closer.
It was Twilight.
Took me years to work up the courage to read another book after that, for fear that I might read something that would once again sweep me away into a world of wonder and bliss. I feared it, my friends. But I also craved it, which is why I finally leaped with intense abandon into the world of books. You’ve all felt that emotion. That one where you need to read, but you’re scared to feel that hurt again. The hurt that comes with being abandoned by your book love when it abruptly ends, and being cast back into the real world, alone, naked, and wondering why you’re naked. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t come up with a decent explanation for the nudity. Let me assure you now. There isn’t one.
But don’t just dive into the rebound book. Don’t go for just any book, you’re better than that. Those weren’t tears you wept at how awesome Twilight was. They were dripping emotions.
You have to wait until you’re emotionally ready to dive into another book, and you have to find the right one for you. Usually the only way to move on and find the right book for you, is to kiss a drunken unicorn. Kiss it and kiss it hard. Do it for your king and country. Or your president if you’re insane enough to not live under a monarchy.
You know you want to. I’m fabulous.
First of all, that picture… I’m thinking that Alonso wasn’t the only one drunk around here. I’m terrified every time I look at it. *shudders*
Second, I don’t think I’ve ever thought of myself as a bookslut before. Yes, I think I can say with all honesty that I’ve called myself many things: book addict, bibliophile, bookaholic… Bookslut never entered my head, so thanks for that.
I shall now happily move onto my next book love affair… well, actually, I’m on a Susan Elizabeth Philips binge right now, so I think that qualifies as book backsliding, right? I just can’t seem to get over my old loves. 🙂
Great post as usual, Kat, but I will admit to wondering what you’ll come up with next!
That is hilarious. I love it. Thanks for the laughs. LOL
Kat, I think you’re drunk while writing this. Thanks for making my day! Bwahahaha.
Good old Twilight. Yeah. I can still remember how I fell inlove with you. How I spent sleepless nights stroking you, rereading you, memorizing all parts of you. You are my world once but I’m sorry, I have moved on.
oh wow haha great post! OH high school and when I read Twilight. I still have all the books. Now I think of all the actually amazing books I’ve read since then! Or even before that!! Twilight had is 15 minutes of fame in my life. But now I don’t want to think about it.
This might be the best post EVER. I adore this unicorn! And yes, I think first bookloves are very, very important. My first booklove was the Little House series, which I read until my original copies fell apart. It’s cool that Twilight was your first book love though — I know a lot of people who felt that way too!
Drunk Kat posting for the win! I am seriously concerned about what Alonso will be posting next! 😀
I love you guys.
That is all.