Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters (3)

14 September, 2012 Dear Debby 28 comments

Image by Yoshiaka

Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice col­umn for Fic­tional, Young Adult char­ac­ters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a car­ing, nur­tur­ing soul giv­ing down to earth, wise words of wis­dom to those in need. To email Dear Debby about your fictional trou­bles and lit­er­ary char­ac­ters, please email contactus@cuddlebuggery.com.

Dear Debby,

I met this guy a while ago and we didn’t exactly hit it off. We, like, tried to kill each other. But it’s okay because now we love each other. The night we broke the spell, we laid in each other’s arms while our mangled, broken bodies healed themselves from our previous fight. It was… so romantic. *SWOON* Where was I? Oh, yeah! So turns out I’m super important and special!  I should have known I was destined for The Greatness since my incredible beauty and freakish, tall figure hinted at it, but I just never noticed.

But enough about me. My boyfriend is so amazing. He likes to boss me around and make causal jokes about domestic abuse and he gets super jealous. Who could ask for more? I’d do anything for him including get a sex change if he were gay.  Then he and his family began training me, but I wasn’t interested in anything like that. Why would I want to hurt anyone even if they were trying to kill me? What I really wanted was sexy times with my soul mate, but all he did was deny me because our love could destroy the world. How dare the world stand in the way of my happiness! And as fate would have it something even worse happened. We find out we are cousins. Risking the world for the sake of our love I could totally handle, but becoming kissing cousins? EWWW! Plus I have to now venture out into the world on a super dangerous mission to save the world that is bound to get me dirty. Oh, Debby, what ever am I to do?

Signed,

Hopeless

P.S. Why haven’t you replied to my other 14 letters? 

P.P.S. Did I mention I’m beautiful?

P.P.P.S. Love me.

 

Dear Hopeless,

You do mention your love for your boyfriend frequently, but fall short of praising him for any actual admirable qualities. Why do you love him? This seems to be at the root of your troubles since your relationship with him is based on contradictions. You broke the spell that made you hate each other, but how can you be sure the love is real? You say you would change sex for him but spurn a far more socially acceptable relationships: first cousin marriage.  You are on a “super dangerous mission” yet struggle to even defend yourself from attacks.  It seems that you are prone to melodrama and hyperbole inaddition to being fixated on your physical appearance.  Before you destroy the world to indulge in your nonsensical star-crossed love then I would strongly suggest, in the most animated language, to please reconsider. At least until you have a better sense off yourself, who you are and what you truly want.

 

Best,

Debby

P.S., P.P.S., P.P.P.S.

28 Responses to “Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters (3)”

    • KatKennedy

       @Krystal Henderson If I don’t tell you the name of it, will you give up and not?

  5. Adam A

    Yes, Alek, what is Starcrossed by Josephine Angelini for 500?
     
    I make it a point to finish every novel I start but this is the one novel I could not find it in my heart to finish. Helen and Lucas’s relationship is atrocious and Helen is possibly the most annoying character I have ever met.
     
    And yes, I have read Twilight.

  10. Neyra

    I heard this book is good, once you get past the whole “relative thing” xD lmao.. i didn’t know which one it was at first though, took me reading the comments below to figure it out! I love these posts. Always cracking me up 😡 lol

  11. Heartless_Lyn

    How dare the world stand in the way of my hap­pi­ness! – I’m getting this in a form of a tattoo.
     
    I would get a sex change just to love Debby even more.

  12. cynicalsapphire

    Oh no, I had to scroll down through the comments to find out what book this was and I own books one and two. WHY??????

  13. sofie_hatter

    I have no idea about this book.  I’m just having so much fun reading Dear Debby that I hope there are tons of these to come. I should feel sorry you had to read the book first to get to this point, but….I’m enjoying this too much. Sorry. 😀

  14. Mari Escape In A Book

    YES, thank you @Stephanie Sinclair  for giving this young lady some sound advice, she needed this and more. I finished Starcrossed but it PAINED me to do so.
     
    I love your advice column, girls( @KatKennedy and @Stephanie Sinclair )

  16. whatisakelly

    Oh my goodness, this is epic. You got me laughing so hard that my sister turned around and gave me that look. In case you want to know, this post got me rethinking about why I enjoyed reading Starcrossed with no positive answer.