How We Would Have Ended It – Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

18 April, 2012 Musing Musers 32 comments

Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing
Pages: 391 (hardcover)
Series: Hush Hush #1

For Nora Grey, romance was not part of the plan. She’s never been particularly attracted to the boys at her school, no matter how much her best friend, Vee, pushes them at her…until Patch comes along.
With his easy smile and eyes that seem to see inside her, Nora is drawn to him against her better judgment, but after a series of terrifying encounters, Nora’s not sure whom to trust. Patch seems to be everywhere she is, and to know more about her than her closest friends. She can’t decide whether she should fall into his arms or run and hide. And when she tries to seek some answers, she finds herself near a truth that is far more unsettling than anything Patch makes her feel.
For Nora is right in the middle of an ancient battle between the immortal and those that have fallen – and when it comes to choosing sides, the wrong choice will cost her life.

This rendition is entirely satire.  It is not meant to offend and we mean no discourtesy.  We recognize that authors put a lot of time and work into their novels and we are not trying to disrespect that.  Writing a novel is hard work and is something neither Stephanie nor I have ever done and we certainly don’t think we could do a better job.  We are simply, with light-hearted intention, using humour and imagination to spark book discussion and fun.

This post was inspired by the fantastic videos over at www.howitshouldhaveended.com.  Italicized text is the original publicized text from the book and is entirely the work of Becca Fitzpatrick.

And lastly, please don’t sue us.  We have no money.  And we have children to feed.  And I have a cat to feed as well.  I don’t know if Stephanie has a pet to feed.  Probably.  You wouldn’t want one cat (and probably some other kind of animal) to go without food, would you?  Also, pretty please with a cherry on top.  I’ll be your friend?

How We Would Have Ended It

Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

 

I was backed up against the counter, my palms digging into the edge.  “You’re mad because I didn’t go to Delphic.”  I raised one shaky shoulder.  “Why Delphic, Patch?  It’s Sunday night.  Delphic will be closing soon.  Any special reason you wanted me to drive to a dark, soon-to-be deserted amusement park?”

He walked toward me until he was standing close enough that I could see his black eyes beneath his ball cap.

“Dabria told me you have to sacrifice me to get a human body,” I said.

Patch was quiet a moment.  “And you think I’d go through with it?”

I swallowed.  “Then it’s true?”

Our eyes locked.  “It has to be an intentional sacrifice.  Simply killing you won’t do it.”

“Are you the only person who can do this to me?”

“No, but I’m probably the only person who knows the end result, and the only person who would attempt it.  It’s the reason I came to school.  I had to get close to you.  I needed you.  It’s the reason I walked into your life.”

I looked at him for a moment, his intense gaze shooting through me as I considered the information he’d just confirmed.

“Okay,” I said, straightening up and slipping out from his overbearing presence to put some space between us.

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’m out of here.”

“You can’t go!” Patch said, his face twisting into a confused expression.

“Well, you’ve pretty much admitted that you were going to kill me, in a very personal way, might I add.  I think that justifies a quick and hasty exit,” I spat at him, straightening my outfit in indignation and standing up to him with more confidence than I felt.

Patch spluttered for a moment, blinking his eyes disbelievingly.  “But… I wasn’t… I mean…” he looked lost for a moment before visibly collecting himself and slipping back into his usual, confident demeanor.  “You want me to come clean, I will.  I’ll tell you everything.  Who I am and what I’ve done.  Every last detail.  I’ll dig it all up, but you have to ask.  You have to want it.  You can see who I was, or you can see who I am now.  I’m not good,” he said, piercing me with eyes that absorbed all light but reflected none, “but I was worse.”

I arched an eyebrow and stared at him in disbelief.  “Well, I have a different plan, Patch.  Mainly revolving around the fact that you purposely entered my life in order to stalk, harass and murder me for your nefarious schemes.  So I think this would be a pretty good time for you to quit the mysterious bullshit and be extremely transparent about everything I need to know.  I mean, you haven’t even assured me, at this point, that you’re not actually going to kill me.  And I don’t mean to harp on this point – but that’s a pretty important facet of this discussion for me.”

He stalked close to me again, affecting a brooding, intense expression and causing my heart to thud painfully in my chest.  His boots were flush with the toes of my tennis shoes.  “I’m not going to kill you, Nora.  I don’t kill people who are important to me.  And you top the list.”

I exerted considerable effort to contain an eyeroll, but it slipped through at the last minute.  “You’re impinging on my private space,” I said, inching backward in distaste.

Patch gave a barely-there smile.  “Impinging?  This isn’t the SAT, Nora.”

I pressed my finger-tips to his chest.  He glanced at the spot where we touched and then back up to my eyes.  “If my vocabulary is causing you distress,” I whispered huskily, looking up to him with a wicked smile on my face, “then let me express my displeasure in the only way you seem to understand.”

Patch’s brow creased in confusion a moment before my heel came down hard on his instep.  He hopped back in pain, looking at me with both hurt and bewilderment.  “Personal boundaries, Patch.  Respect them when I ask you to.  See, I have this rule about letting would-be murderers within ten feet of my very stab-able body.  Now, tell me.  Is Dabria going to be coming after me.”

Patch, miraculously less interested in encroaching on my personal space, shrugged from where he was.  “You could take her, Angel,” he said.  “I’ve seen both of you in action,” he looked down at his injured foot and winked, “and my bet’s on you.  You don’t need me for that.”

“I don’t think I need you for much of anything,” I sneered, turning on him and heading to the door.

“Door’s locked,” he said from behind me.  “And we have unfinished business.”

“Listen, the only unfinished business we have is between my knee and your crotch if you come near me again.”

The cell phone in my pocket rang to life.  “In fact,” I said as I pulled it out, “you’re going to go away and I don’t ever, EVER want to see your broody, mopey face again.  You have forever cured me of badboys.  When this is over, it’s strictly accounting nerds and banking types for me!  This was absolutely the WORST way to punish my mother for her absence, assert my independence and act out my grief from losing my father.  I should have just stolen money from my mother’s purse and bought alcohol like a NORMAL teenager!” I pressed the accept button on my cell.   “What?!”

“Babe!” Vee said.  We had a bad connection, the crackled of static cutting across her voice.  “Where are you?”

“Where are you?  Are you still with Elliot and Jules?” I flattened a hand against my free ear to hear better.

“I’m at school.  We broke in,” she said in a voice that was naughty to perfection.  “We want to play hide-and-seek but don’t have enough people for two teams.  So… do you know of a fourth person who could come play with us?”

An incoherent voice mumbled in the background.

“Elliot wants me to tell you that if you don’t come be his partner –hang on- what?” Vee said into the background.

Elliot’s voice came on. “Nora? Come play with us.  Otherwise, there’s a tree in the common area with Vee’s name on it.”

I groaned in disbelief and promised myself that if I survived this, I’d choose friends who weren’t complete and utter dumbasses.

“Who was that?” Patch asked.

I sighed heavily.  “That was my brainless, dropkick friend phoning me to pass along the message that Elliot and Jules are going to murder her violently unless I go meet up with them.”

“What was that you were saying about never again seeing my broody, moping face?” Patch asked, his confidence returned trifold and an enormous grin spread across his face.

I resisted the urge to smash my face into the tiled wall repeatedly.  “Oh, shut up and come on.  I’ll probably end up nobly sacrificing myself and saving your ass anyway, so cut the shit, Patch.”

He unlocked and opened the door, letting me out ahead of him.

“Still going to settle for an accountant or banker?”

“You had better be so damn awesome in bed or I am going to stab you through the eye with your own literalized ego.”

“I have ninety-nine problems, Nora, but performance in the sack is NOT one of them.”

The end.

32 Responses to “How We Would Have Ended It – Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick”

    • Kat Kennedy

      @Adam Pring:

      Oh! But we’re not trying to be mean! *Cries* it’s so hard to toe the line between comedy and douchebaggery… for me.

      • Adam Pring

        @Kat Kennedy:

        Hey I thought it was hilarious. I know how hard it can be to remain none offensive. The disclaimer will keep away most but always be prepared. But no matter what you do someone will no doubt be offended. Twas very funny though.

  2. Ash

    You guys are fine! I loved Hush, Hush and still found this to be utterly hilarious. ESPECIALLY the last part. Bravo!

    • Kat Kennedy

      @Ash:

      Oh thank you, Ash! I was really freaking out that people would think we were being assholes. We really weren’t trying to do that… this time.

  3. rameau

    Are you telling me this is not how it ended? I don’t believe it. You somehow found the previously unpublished first draft and just dusted it off.

  4. Rosa

    Holy poopdeck that was ho-larious! Wow that was funny! I actually like Nora more from ur guys writing! She was spunky an snarky not all damsel in distress every 4 1/2 seconds! And can I say that last bit about Patch being good in bed had me laughing so loud! And it’s like seven in the morning here so my kids thought I really lost it this time! And do what y’all do and never apologize for it! They don’t like it they can suck it!

  5. Rebecca R

    This is awesome! I personally couldn’t stand this book, it had so much potential but it just didn’t cut it for me

  8. Molly

    That was freaking awesome. The one thing I wish that would’ve happened that didn’t is that Nora would’ve just let Vi go ahead and get murdered (did I mention that I find Vee to be one of the most obnoxious BFF’s in YA lit), but i can see why you didn’t. You must do one of these for Halo. Must.

  11. Ebony Cindric

    Bravo, hilarious. 😛
    There is only one flaw in your proposed ending: if my memory serves, Patch reveals he can’t ‘feel’ physically (eye-roll). As in, pain or pleasure.

    So I guess he’s been faking orgasms since he fell. Kind of make you feel bad for the stupid douche.

  12. Johnny L.

    That was absolute perfection right there!! If the entire book was written like this I might be more inclined to go on with the series. Great job.

  13. Donna @ Bites

    I haven’t read the book but this was hilarious! So remind me . . . what was supposed to be endearing about Patch again? Is Nora, like, one of those chicks that falls for murderers in jail and can TOTALLY reform them?

  14. Ashleigh

    There are not enough clapping GIFs in cyberspace to give you the applause you deserve (not to mention that I can’t put clapping GIFs in these comments). I’ve considered rewriting this book so many times, but I would be hard-pressed to beat this. Well done!

    • Stephanie Sinclair

      @Ashleigh:

      You’ll be happy to know that you can indeed post GIFs and images in the comments. 😀

      Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

      • Ashleigh

        @Stephanie Sinclair:

        Really? Woohoo! But that means my computer was lying to me again. It looks like we’re going to need to have another talk. It needs a reminder of what happens when it lies to me…

        😀

        (I’m feeling too lazy to go and look for a GIF, so I’ll just leave it with that happy face.)

  16. Kara @ Great Imaginations

    This is so good…so intelligently written. You guys needed to be writing books like yesterday. I had a GIF all set to go but couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. It wouldn’t show up. But anyway. Yeah. This was awesome.

  17. Lexie B.

    I’m just going to pretend this is how it actually ended and the printer just fucked up majorly somewhere between turning in the final draft and creating the ARCs and final copies. I like to pretend that deep down (very, very deep down), Nora has the tiniest sliver of common sense and self-preservation and that this whole book called Hush, Hush was actually just a total misprint.

  22. Michelle

    Smooth! Really smooth! If you didn’t italicize it, I probably didn’t know when the actual starts and end. Brilliant!