I Like Big Banners And I Can Not Lie

5 May, 2012 Musing Musers 23 comments

Presented to you without comment:

I like big banners and I can not lie
You other bloggers can’t deny
That when a site scrolls by with an itty bitty bar
And a round button in your face
You get sprung
Wanna page-click tough
Cuz you notice that banner was pimped
Deep in the theme it’s wearing
I’m subscribed and I can’t stop staring
Oh, blogger I wanna get with ya
And check your feature!
My co-blogger tried to warn me
But that banner you got
Make Me so linky!
Ooh, Ms. Smooth ‘shop
You say you wanna get in my blog roll
Well use me, use me, cuz your stats could use a groupie

I’ve seen them fetchin’
To hell with page stretchin’
It’s kept, prepped, got it goin like postin’ vet.

I’m tired of all those tips
Saying name-titles are the thing
I ain’t the average blogger, man, so ask me that-
You gotta put that banner back

So bloggers (yeah) bloggers (yeah)
Has your blog totes got the banner? (hell yeah)
Well link it, link it, link it, link it, link that rockin’ banner
Blogger got banner.

(Grade A font with a kickass theme)

I like ’em wide, and big!
And when I’m postin’ a sig
I just can’t help myself
I’m actin like a twatter
Now here’s my twitter:

I wanna get you linked
And UH, double up: blog roll!
I aint talkin bout basic widgets
Cuz autoplay songs are made for noise
I wann’em real fat and spruicy
So upload that juicy png
Kennedy will squee
Beggin for a piece of that button
So I’m lookin’ at your layout
Knockin those commenters moaning ‘bout loads
You can have them loads
I’ll keep my banner like a real pro
A word to photoshoppin’ sisters
I wanna chat with ya
I won’t beg or plead ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna —
Pump you til the break of dawn
For all your editing tips!
A lot of peeps won’t ‘like’ this song
Cuz them peeps have dial-up that will quit it
But I’d rather queue and view
Cuz I’m sweet and replete
And I’m down to get the bloggin’ on

So bloggers (yeah), bloggers (yeah)
Do you wanna scroll through my links (yeah)
Then swivel down
Scroll it out
Then check my blog roll out.
Bloggers got back

(Grade A font with a kickin’ theme)

Yeah blogger!
When it comes to pageviews
Bare banners ain’t got nothin’ to do with my WordPressin’
Click-click-click
Then subscribe at the bottom.

So your co-blogger wants small uploads
Checkin’ fancy scrolls instead
But scrolls ain’t worth the time ittakes for them codes
My roaming cursor don’t want none unless you’ve got banners, hun
You can have side bars or buttons, but please don’t lose that banner
Some followers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the banner ain’t sold
So they tab it, and leave it
And I link up quick to retweet it
So commenters say it’s fat
Well I sure frown on that
Cuz your socials are small and your content is kickin
And I’m thinkin bout stickin
To the bannerless in the blogosphere
You won’t miss a thing
Give me site I can’t resist, yeah
With a big banner ‘cross the vista
Some will start a poll
Cuz your blog is on my roll
Asking if big banners will hit or miss ‘em
And I’ll scroll by with the best of ‘em
So bloggers if a banner be found
And you wanna throw your page link down
Type cuddlebuggery.com and kick them angsty thoughts
Blog got banner
Blog got banner

We sincerely apologize to anyone who just read that.  Especially those who experienced seizures or emotional trauma of any kind.

Reappropriated from Sir Mix-a-lot’s I Like Big Butts rap song.

23 Responses to “I Like Big Banners And I Can Not Lie”

  1. J.R After Dark

    I giggled all the way through this post. I just heard Big Butts the other day at work so it was still fresh in my head! Have a great weekend ladies 🙂

  5. AnimeJune

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL. LOVE this!

    I very recently (about last month) finally caved and decided to go with a banner for my site. I’d been through a number of redesigns with Blogger and finally decided the best way to make my blog look original is to actually make a banner myself. I have the photoshop skills of an eight year old so it’s basically a bunch of photos and text mixed together with Microsoft paint but it does make my blog distinctive!

  6. Jenni @ Alluring Reads

    Hahahaha well when I said I would think about what this post could possible be all night this NEVER crossed my mind! This is awesome you guys! See this is why I live me some Cuddlebuggery!

  7. Pocketful of Books

    Haha I like to think that I somehow inspired this song because last time I commented on your blog about people calling my header fat you said you liked big headers and you cannot lie. 😛 You gave my header some self esteem and I thank you for that. For all the curvy banners and headers out there…you are fine the way you are. x

  8. karlaihdez

    hahahaha that was the most amazing and funny thing ever, do u mind if i make a blog post about it and link it to here Kat? my followers would love to read this!!!!!!

    let me know at karlaihdez(at)gmail(com)

    hahaha im still giggling like crazy

  9. Amber J.

    please tell me there will be an accompanying music video for this lol

  18. Archer

    All those in favour of Ms Kennedy doing this as a beat performance on video say “aye”

    AYE!