Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters (4)

22 September, 2012 Dear Debby 15 comments

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Dear Debby

Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice col­umn for Fic­tional, Young Adult char­ac­ters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a car­ing, nur­tur­ing soul giv­ing down to earth, wise words of wis­dom to those in need. To email Dear Debby about your fic­tional trou­bles and lit­er­ary char­ac­ters, please email

Dear Debby,

I hear you might possibly be able to help me with my little… situation. You see, I’m involved with this guy. He’s amazingly good-looking, rich and a complete gentleman. When I first saw him my panties obeisantly dropped to the floor as if they knew my true desires before I even did. But then there’s his other side that has… rougher tendencies which he likes to act out on me. I’ll be honest and admit that when he showed me the contract, I was intrigued. Yeah, I know I was a virgin and had never even been awakened down there yet, but he made it sound so fun! Debby you should have seen his face when he found that little tidbit out!

Then he introduced me to his Red Room of Pain and I nearly had a heart attack. I mean, holy fuck! The sex was amazing, but when he just decided to beat me when we were out and about just for his sick pleasure, I hated it. Several times I tried to leave him, but he always managed to change my mind after apologizing and the most mind blowing sex ever. The scariest part is that I think I’m in love with this sadistic bastard. Hitting me makes him feel good. He needs to hit me, but I hate it because if he says he loves me, why would he want to see me in pain? Why, Debby? Shit, I don’t want to lose him. What do I do?


Tied Up



Dear Tied Up,

There is nothing wrong with experimentation in the bedroom, bathroom or a red room of pain, as long as both partners are willing.  But it seems to me that there is a great inequality in this relationship that resembles a cycle of abuse.  Hurting you, hurting you more, you go to leave, make up and then it all begins again.  It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all and it’s hard, to take away from your letter, what you truly see in this man.  The only positive things you have to say about him is that he’s rich, good looking and great in bed.  Your assertion that he is a complete gentleman can’t be all that accurate if he is hitting you in a way that you don’t find enjoyable.  Consider this: You were a virgin until you met him.  In fact, you mention that you had never been sexually awakened.  Perhaps your intense reaction to him is less about him and more about yourself?  What attracts many people to a BDSM lifestyle is power and control – or the loss of it.  He needs the power and control, obviously.  Do you need the loss of it?  It sounds like you have never had control of yourself sexually.  But as a person? As a woman?  I don’t think you want to lose control except when having sex because you have no confidence in sex.

All this is, in the end, a stranger’s opinion.  But my suggestion would be to ditch your boy and procure a good quality vibrator.  It will do the job and it never hits.  Hopefully by the time the next boyfriend comes around, you’ll be confident enough to share control of the bedroom.

Problem solved.



Kat Kennedy

Kat Kennedy

Co-blogger at Cuddlebuggery
Kat Kennedy is a book reviewer and aspiring author in the Young Adult genre. She reviews critically but humorously and get super excited about great books. Find her on GoodReads.
Kat Kennedy

15 Responses to “Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters (4)”

  1. guest

    Dear Tied-up.
     Your boyfriend is angry because he longs to sparkle. He used to be a vampire, you see, and now he’s not. No matter how much those reluctant broody blood suckers say they wish they were human, the second they lose their immortality, they go from being sleep-watching stalkers to complete jerks. Go have a nice chat with your Latino buddy and see if you can’t manage to work “sic the pack on him” into the conversation. It may make no sense to you, but he’ll know exactly what you mean and your problem will be solved.

  2. heykelley

    While the previous Dear Debby posts had a comical side – this one has none. Its message is stark and real. Girl, don’t let anyone abuse you. Get out of that situation. (I was just talking to someone in a similar situation, so… Sigh.)
    This is definitely one of my favorite features of Cuddlebuggery.

  3. Adam A

    And I have returned once again. What is Anastasia Steele for EL James’s mysterious disappearance, Kat?
    I am proud to say I haven’t even touched this one with a 100 foot stick.

  4. Kate C.

    I think Debby’s advice is spot on.  College is for exploration, but not necessarily commitment.  Sure, I met my husband in college, but by that time I had a firm grasp on my knowledge of myself and what I wanted from life.

  5. cynicalsapphire

    Very nice, though I doubt that character is actually self-aware enough to realize that her relationship is that fucked up.
    Get a vibrator. Nice advice, Debby!

  6. Neyra

    Unfortunately, Tied Up has the mind of an infatuated teenage girl, I’d say around fourteen? So hope that she will come to her senses is all but lost, *facepalm. sigh* 
    TBH, i f***ing hated this book! W/ all the passion of the Red Room of Pain xD

  7. sofie_hatter

    Loved this!
    Also, can someone tell Tied Up’s maker, or is it replicator, that BDSM is not a symptom or a result of abuse/childhood trauma and it is not a psychological disorder, but a consensual lifestyle that is enjoyed by BOTH participants. I think she was too busy renaming her characters to do any research. Dear Author had some awesome articles about this. 
    Again, I really love this feature.

  8. Heartless_Lyn

    <i>But my sug­ges­tion would be to ditch your boy and pro­cure a good qual­ity vibra­tor.  It will do the job and it never hits. </i>
    But people have been known to chip teeth with a vibrator. If that should happen, do I leave my current vibrator and find one that truly cares about dental hygiene? 

  9. Heartless_Lyn

    But my sug­ges­tion would be to ditch your boy and pro­cure a good qual­ity vibra­tor.  It will do the job and it never hits. 
    But people have been known to chip teeth with a vibrator. If that should happen, do I leave my current vibrator and find one that truly cares about dental hygiene? 

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