Meg posted last week about considering the words we use. It’s a post that Steph, Meg and I feel strongly about. That’s not to say people should or must listen to us, merely that we’ve made a personal choice about the vocabulary we use on this blog. And we also feel strongly that there should still be a lot of swear words on the blog, because swearing is an art form. If you don’t like swearing then you should probably back out of this post right now, because I’m about to style guide the hell out of swearing for all those who want help in steering away from ableist, sexist or homophobic slurs. You’d be surprised how many you’re unconsciously using.
Before I start — an ode to swearing. My mother has spent many years teaching me to be the kind of gentle, kind, forgiving, decorous soul that she is. Obviously, she has failed miserably. Amongst her pleas to temper my swearing was an appeal to my vain side. Swearing is lazy, you should be more creative. Swearing isn’t ladylike. Swearing is corse.
Well, I’m about to show you that swearing doesn’t have to be lazy. Swearing can be a delightful, mental gymnastics that helps your creativity flow with pure venom. The kind any well-bred lady or gentleman can indulge in as long as good breeding means being able to insult people with style and ease.
When someone needs to be called something unspeakable
I like to use this instead of “moron,” “idiot,” “dumbfuck,” and other variations. When you think about it, are they really being any of those things? Or are they being “arrogant,” “rude,” “hostile,” “thoughtless,” “inconsiderate,” “ignorant” or any other behaviour that hurts others? If that’s the real behaviour they’re showing, then that’s what they need to be brought up on.
donkey desecrater (Really feel free to work with the animal theme here. Bison muncher? North American Monarch Butterfly licker? Get creative.)
You thoughtless, generic-fucking-sheeple-wannabe
Snitchy, crotch-sucking naval-gazer
Arrogant ass-sniffing dick waddler
Arrogant good-for-nothing piece of walking pustule
You ignorant nay-saying, flat-Earth-Believing pigsticker
Thoughtless piece of duckloving beastmaster
When someone has done something fucked up
When things go wrong, there’s a tendency to say things like “son of a bitch” or “motherfucker.” This is my biggest screw up and where I’m most likely to use slurs that I really shouldn’t. So I’ve been trying to memorise some alternatives.
This is a fuckfest of epic proportions
What a Reprehensible fuckupathon
A damnation of shittery
Fucktercation of fuckheads fucking up
A Pisshead Summit for ass dickery
When someone is acting like a jerk
This is when you want to use slurs like “whiny, little bitch” or “cunt” or “motherfucker” or any of those other really generderised slurs that legitimately can be easily replaced.
You gherkin jerkin’ pissy sheepfucker.
Unthinking, heartless piece of talking shit
Poor excuse for a shitstain.
I was really nervous to write this post because, you know, people get all disapproving about swearing and maybe I used wrong words somewhere. Then, on the other hand, I was like:
Haha! Jokes. No, really, check out my ass because it’s hot. But I also wanted to show that at least, in some ways, you can swear without thoughtlessly targeting problematic slurs. And I couldn’t do that unless I swore a lot and was all corse and shit just like my mamma didn’t raise me to be but I totally am. Sooooo… everyone wins? Except, maybe, the person you’re calling a Hammerface Jerkinstein. They lose. Definitely lose.
Laura Plus Books
Don’t be afraid to show your true colours! And your ass. 😉 Haha, I loved this post! Your poor mum though. <3 Even so, in my opinion, saying "fuck" isn't anymore or less 'ladylike' than "oh heavens" or just "horrible" because either way, you have the same intentions behind what your saying. You're taking creativity to a whole nother level! I have learnt a whole lot from this post. Which my mum won't be happy about either but these are just all so delightful. My favourites of the bunch: "Fuckless pisstaker," "pigfucker" and "shitastic."
Laura Plus Books recently posted…Guest Post + Giveaway: The Red Sheet and Us Three by Mia Kerick
I love this post! Thanks for a Saturday morning chuckle, I know several people who fit the descriptions! 🙂
Fangs 4 the Fantasy (@Fangs4Fantasy)
See these eloquently express one’s utter contempt for some wretch without having to rely on dehumanising marginalisation to do it.
I say it again, if we’re more concerned about crude reference to sex and excrement than we are to words that actively reduce the humanity of another human being then there’s a problem
Fangs 4 the Fantasy (@Fangs4Fantasy) recently posted…Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 18: Resident Evil
Jenese @ Readers Confession
I’ve cursed like a sailor since I was a kid. Now I’m able to curse around my parents although I try to keep that to a minimum. My favorite that me and a few co-workers came up with is…LBW for Lying Bitch Whore.
You know you know a few of those. 😛 Great post.
Jenese @ Readers Confession recently posted…Stacking the Shelves
Haahahahhahaa! I love love love this post!
I agree that swearing it’s awesome and even better when we don’t need to involve anyone’s mother!
Pili recently posted…Saturday Pages: The Name of The Star by Maureen Johnson!!
“This is a fuckfest of epic proportions”
I’m going to use this the next time Subway runs out of Italian bread.
Mary @ BookSwarm
I’ve always been a fan of the Shakespearean insults, myself. “Thou artless earth-vexing pigeon-egg!” or “Thou loggerheaded doghearted boar-pig!” (Though I’d drop the “thou”, personally.)
Mary @ BookSwarm recently posted…Cover Reveal: HARD TO HOLD ON TO by Laura Kaye
Jessica @ Rabid Reads
My mother tried a similar tactic to dissuade me from cursing, and honestly, I have to admit it mostly worked. She was clever enough to substitute “lazy” with “lack of intelligence,” and the idea that people would think I was stupid if I cursed really chapped my hide. I think that that being one of the few times she offered a reasonable explanation rather than simple saying, “b/c I said so,” was why I never looked more closely at her argument. But I REALLY wished I had b/c you are right, and this is hilarious. Fortunately it’s not too late to have LOTS-o-fun with this 😉
Jessica @ Rabid Reads recently posted…Review: The Wicked We Have Done by Sarah Harian
I’m totally using oxygen-thief, illogical pissbrain and poor excuse for a shitstain. Haha! Love this post.
I absolutely loved this! I get told way too often that I swear too much and I always try to find creative ways to irritate people more, so these are absolutely perfect. I laughed so much at some of them but my favourites had to be: You gherkin jerkin’ pissy sheepfucker and Shit Slinger! Those sound like they would work seamlessly into a conversation/fight/whatever, haha. I’m so glad there are people out there who have the guts to post things like this because most people really wouldn’t. Good for you, awesome post and I’m sharing it because it’s too awesome 🙂
Jo recently posted…Review: Bitten by Kelley Armstrong
I Wish You'd Stop Using That Word.. » Snuggly Oranges
[…] seem accepted, OR you may seriously alienate and aggravate your readership. And for your benefit, Cuddlebuggery has recently compiled a list of insults and swear words that you could use instead. You have SO many options. Just pick ANYTHING else. Another insult would serve your purpose just as […]
Chiara @ Books for a Delicate Eternity
This is possibly my favourite post I have ever read … from anyone.
I have so many new phrases to use.
I think my two favourites are: oxygen thief, a fuckfest of epic proportions, and poor excuse for a shitstain. I shall use these. They are brilliant. 😀
Chiara @ Books for a Delicate Eternity recently posted…A Letter To: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
Week in Review | The Librarian Who Doesn't Say Shhh!The Librarian Who Doesn't Say Shhh!
[…] insiders about reviews and ARCs Kelly explains why she loves your blog Kat gives advice on creative, yet non-discriminatory, ways to swear Hannah puts her “momma pants” on to talk about thinking before tweeting SarahClare is […]
Swearing is not an art form….painting is.