Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice column for Fictional, Young Adult characters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a caring, nurturing soul giving down to earth, wise words of wisdom to those in need. To email Dear Debby about your fictional troubles and literary characters, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am a fallen angel who was kicked out of heaven a long time ago for falling in love with a human. Now I have the opportunity to get back to heaven if I kill this teenage human girl. The problem is that I met her and whilst I keep trying to kill her, I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Now I’m not sure I can or that I want to anymore but I’m really conflicted about this. It should be as easy as snapping her neck, but I just can’t do it! I think I’m in love with her, but if I don’t slaughter her like carrion then I can’t ever get into heaven and that would really suck. Until then I just keep stalking and harassing her which is kind of getting old. Please tell me what to do.
Dear Murder patch,
Generally, in these kinds of situations, I would advise that relationships require trust and commitment and have no place for lies. But in this situation I would suggest that you explain the truth of the circumstances to this girl before maintaining a respectful distance of one mile radius at all times for her personal safety. After all, let’s be honest here. If you have to wonder whether you love a girl enough to not kill her – then maybe you’re not in the right place to be in a relationship. Or around people. Or free to walk the streets amongst human beings. Also, I can’t stress enough how valuable quality psychiatric care is.
All the best,