Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice column for Fictional, Young Adult characters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a caring, nurturing soul giving down to earth, wise words of wisdom to those in need. To email Dear Debby about your fictional troubles and a literary characters, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
So, I got bitten by a vampire but that’s totally okay because my boyfriend and friend are super losers and I’m way better than them. Also, my parents are evil. My grandmother is okay, but only because she thinks I’m like, way more awesome than her own daughter. Also she does this mystical Native American stuff, which I like because it makes me look exotic. So I go to this new school and I have, like, a revelation from a mystical goddess that I’m, like, way more amazing and special than any other vampire that there is. Which means that I have to ruin this other girl’s life and take her place because she is just a giant hoe! I mean. I felt bad for, like, a second! But really, she’s so slutty that it’s okay.
So I stole her boyfriend, her dress, her job, made her an embarrassment to the school and accused her of purposely leaving humans to die even though I really didn’t have any proof of all that. Ya know, the usual, amirite? But it’s totally okay because, like I said, total hoebag! Ya know she tried to force a blow job on her boyfriend? Like, whatever!
Along the way some boy died, which made me feel like a little bit sad. But the thing is, I didn’t really feel sad, and then I felt angry at him for making me feel sad. I mean, he was such a loser. Why should anyone feel sad about him dying. The school’s probably better off without him.
Anyway, now I have my sycophantic friends around – and they can stay because they totally only ever think about me and know their place. Also, I got told I was “wise beyond my years”. Hell yeah I am! I guess what I want to know is – do these shoes match my dress?
Marked for Greatness, like, totally!
Dear Marked for Greatness, like, totally!,
555-XXX Here is the number for a good quality psychiatric institution. I wish you the best of luck. No comment on the shoes.