Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters

9 September, 2012 Dear Debby 34 comments

Image by Yoshiaka

 

Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice col­umn for Fic­tional, Young Adult char­ac­ters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a car­ing, nur­tur­ing soul giv­ing down to earth, wise words of wis­dom to those in need. To email Dear Debby about your fictional troubles and a literary characters, please email contactus@cuddlebuggery.com

Dear Debby,

So, I got bitten by a vampire but that’s totally okay because my boyfriend and friend are super losers and I’m way better than them. Also, my parents are evil. My grandmother is okay, but only because she thinks I’m like, way more awesome than her own daughter. Also she does this mystical Native American stuff, which I like because it makes me look exotic. So I go to this new school and I have, like, a revelation from a mystical goddess that I’m, like, way more amazing and special than any other vampire that there is. Which means that I have to ruin this other girl’s life and take her place because she is just a giant hoe! I mean. I felt bad for, like, a second! But really, she’s so slutty that it’s okay.

So I stole her boyfriend, her dress, her job, made her an embarrassment to the school and accused her of purposely leaving humans to die even though I really didn’t have any proof of all that. Ya know, the usual, amirite? But it’s totally okay because, like I said, total hoebag! Ya know she tried to force a blow job on her boyfriend? Like, whatever!

Along the way some boy died, which made me feel like a little bit sad. But the thing is, I didn’t really feel sad, and then I felt angry at him for making me feel sad. I mean, he was such a loser. Why should anyone feel sad about him dying. The school’s probably better off without him.

Anyway, now I have my sycophantic friends around – and they can stay because they totally only ever think about me and know their place. Also, I got told I was “wise beyond my years”. Hell yeah I am! I guess what I want to know is – do these shoes match my dress?

Sincerely,

Marked for Greatness, like, totally!

;

Dear Marked for Greatness, like, totally!,

555-XXX Here is the number for a good quality psychiatric institution. I wish you the best of luck. No comment on the shoes.

;

34 Responses to “Dear Debby: Advice Column for Fictional Characters”

  2. Fangs4Fantasy

    I recognise this protagonist. I feel you may have been too kind in your depiction.
     

    • KatKennedy

       @Fangs4Fantasy People are always accusing me of being too kind!  😛

      • Kara_M

         @KatKennedy I couldn’t get past the trying too hard to be 15, childish writing style. And that was back when I STARTED blogging and had no taste whatsoever! LOL.

  4. RadiantShadowss

    Is it completely horrible that I’ve read all NINE of the books in this series so far? It’s like a car crash…I just can’t look away!

    • heykelley

       @RadiantShadowss LOL That is exactly the position I’m in. I’ve read them all – even the novellas (which were must more interesting than the actual books, by the way). >_<

    • KatKennedy

       @RadiantShadowss Car crash is the best thing I think you can say about the novels!

  6. Adam A

    At first, I couldn’t tell who this was. Then I saw Marked for Greatness and  I knew.
     
    Curse you, Zoey Redbird. You shall die a thousand deaths before I read any of your novels!

  7. Georgette

    Oh yes, I know who this is. I also know that it, regrettably, sounds a hell of a lot like a loofah that I currently work with.

    • KatKennedy

       @Kate C. How is it possible to be over the vampire thing?  There’s almost NOTHING written about vampires!  You’re mad, Kate!

  10. theladyreads

    I hate that series. She just gets worse and worse as the books go on. >:(

      • theladyreads

         @KatKennedy Dude… Book three. I can’t even… Girl has sex with her teacher. While she’s dating two other guys. She’s also got like 20,000 men vying for her affection. She’s hot shit, if you didn’t know. 

  11. Liza

    I have no idea what this series is. I read the comments and am thinking it’s the one by P.C. Cast? Right, wrong? 
     
    After reading this letter, I can’t complain about the bad YA books I’ve read anymore. 

  13. Krystal Henderson

    This series is one of my guilty pleasures. I’m waaay more interested in Aphrodite, who, btw, has been in a committed relationship for what, four books now? And SHE’S the ho?! Seriously? Yeah, this series is a hot mess, but for some reason I can’t stop reading it.

    • KatKennedy

       @Krystal Henderson I get it.  Everyone has a series like that.  And, I know.  Aphrodite is SUCH a ho, right?  Gah!

  14. Heartless_Lyn

    I can’t decide what I like more – the answers to these questions, or guessing which character is asking for advice. I love you, Debby. 

    • KatKennedy

       @Heartless_Lyn I have to get sneakier!  I make it too easy, I think!

      • Heartless_Lyn

         @KatKennedy – Warm up sessions – you have to get the easy ones out of the way first, or we’d all revolt. I better see Bethany up here soon, asking if the power of love can cure cancer and AIDS and such. 

  15. cynicalsapphire

    That is Zoey to a T. *headdesks* It disgusts me no end that there will be like 14 books in that series. Also that they make enough money that they’ve released companion books.