Dear Debby is Cuddlebuggery’s weekly advice column for Fictional, Young Adult characters to get some life or romance advice. Debby is a caring, nurturing soul giving down to earth, wise words of wisdom to those in need.
I met this moody, strange boy at my new school. Whilst he is insanely attractive, he and his family act weirdly. I’ve just discovered that they are actually vampires that can go out during the day when it’s not sunny – because they sparkle. I’m okay with this. Really. The guy, Joseph* is inhumanely attractive and I feel an almost irresistible pull toward him. The only problem is that, apparently, I smell absolutely delicious to him. Like he has to resist killing me every single second we’re together. I know it’s dangerous, but he’s so wonderful! He watches me sleep, he’s with me every possible moment, he’s gorgeous and I think I want to become a vampire to stay with him forever even though I’m only 17. As long as he can resist ripping my throat out we should be okay, right? Should I stay?
*Names changed to protect anonymity
Dear Risky in Forks,
What the fuck is wrong with you? No, really. He has to physically resist murdering you every second you’re together? And he watches you sleep?! Girl, what is wrong with you? Listen to me. Stop thinking with your ovaries, disconnect the dependent personality and pretend you have a shred of self esteem for five minutes. You’re all of seventeen years old. Whatever love you think you have for him – try to put it in a framework. You are not going to be the same person at 27 as you are at 17. You have a whole world of experience to go through and changes to make before you become who you really are. And before you even discover who you really are and what the world has instore for you, you’re going to eternally bind yourself to a guy you barely know? Sweetie, this shit isn’t like catching an STD. If this goes bad, you don’t put some ointment on and warn your next partner. And, even worse, he watches you sleep and wants to spend every second of the day with you? That’s normal for a new relationship, but what if that doesn’t change – and you do. What if his obsessive, controlling personality starts to annoy you? What if you need space and time to grow? Space and time that he can’t or won’t give you? You may feel like an adult, but you aren’t – irrational and impulsive decision-making is a childish attribute. And choosing to give up your humanity and freedom is both, no matter how you look at it. You should strike out for independence and take the time to really know who you are and what you want out of life before you make any permanent decisions. Also, he wants to drink your blood. I can’t stress this enough. That shit is freaky.
Strike out and hook up with the super hot werewolf dude he is way better!
And just because he’s undead doesn’t mean he can’t get you pregnant. The last thing you want in your belly is a demon child.
I think so many YA protagonists need Debby
And Debby needs a large clue-by-four to smack some sense into them
“Stop thinking with your ovaries” <<Very sound advice, Debby!
She wants to be bloodthirsty for eternity just because of a guy she can only describe as “attractive”. I totally see the logic in that.
If someone ever tells me I smell delicious to them, I am running for the hills. No freaking way.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Freaking Genius, Kat!
I wanna do one, I wanna do one!
As a child I was savagely attacked by wolves, one of whom I now find irresistible for some reason. His eyes pierce my soul and I can’t stop thinking about him. I call him my wolf. I walk in the forest trying to find him. I long to run my fingers through his white fur.
Am I a freak?
“Sweetie, this shit isn’t like catching an STD.” LOL–holy cow, you had me laughing at this one! If only Risky listened to you instead of becoming eternally attached to someone who stalked and wanted to kill her. *eye roll* Sweet Jesus.
I think this new segment is going to be very amusing. Can’t wait to see Nora Grey’s Dear Debbie.
If I weren’t laughing so hard, I would say she’s an emotional masochist. But again, I’m laughing too hard. This is a new, highly entertaining new highlight to the blog, Kat
OH MY GOD this column is positively brilliant, I’m in love.
Required Reading: 8/26/2012 - Sliced Open Reviews
[…] Dear Debby For Fictional YA Characters: Risky – Kat, Cuddlebuggery […]
This is my favorite thing I’ve read on the internet today. Absolutely brilliant.
Holy shit this is brilliant hahaha! I can’t wait to see who else you do (please, PLEASE do Bethany one day) .*applauds*
brilliant new feature! I can’t wait to see who’s next!