Five of the worst ways to ask for print ARCs

6 June, 2012 Musing Musers 53 comments

…And I did one of them!

5.The Threat:

To Whom it May Concern,

My name is Kat Kennedy from Cuddlebuggery and I am interested in receiving Print ARCs of your Young Adult titles.

The Print ARCs need to be untraceable, placed in unidentifiable garbage bags and delivered at 6PM on the corner of Barber and Kurt Street, Sydney.

Do this and I will release your daughter, unharmed.  Well, it’s either your daughter or Zoey Deschenel.  Actually, I’m not sure who it is, but she cries a lot and has eaten all my Canadian sausage.  That’s not a euphemism.  Please deliver the ARCs so I can get rid of her.  That is a euphemism.  I have enclose a picture of her so you know I am serious.  She’s the one in the center crying:

Regards,

Kat Kennedy (Armed and Dangerous)

4. The Pleading:

To Whom it May Concern,

Look, it’s been a hard year on me.  After my pet goldfish passed  away I was distraught.  But then I heard about the Magic Gay Fish book, Teeth, by Hannah Moskowitz coming out this year and I just KNEW I had to have it.  Not that I think my fish was magical.  But the fish always did have an appreciation for my shoes.  Look, I’m BEGGING you.  I’m pleading with you!  I only have two options for recovering from this.  Either you send me a print arc of this book or my only other way of grieving is to eat my pet fish in order to become one with it, absorb its spiritual energy and help its soul move on.  I’ve been grieving and inconsolable so my fish actually passed away a few days ago.  It’s starting to smell and all so if you could get back to me soon as to whether you’ll send an arc or I have to eat my dead, rotting goldfish, that would be great.  Please see the following pleading if you require further information about how desperate I am:

PLEASE!  OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!  PLEASE!  I NEED THIS SO BAD!  DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME ON MY KNEES?!?!  YOU DO?!  I ALREADY AM!  OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE APPROVE ME!

PLEASE!

Yours sincerely,

Kat Kennedy and Fluffy The Goldfish’s Ghost

3. The Swagger

To Whoever,

So I was in the neighborhood and someone mentioned you guys at some point.  I thought to  myself, “Why not email them and see if they have SOMETHING that will impress me?”  So yeah, give it your best shot.  To be honest, I’m not expecting much from you guys.   I saw some title you’re offering.  Harry Potter?  Yeah, okay.  Send me them and I’ll tell you what I think.  Just don’t expect much.  To be honest, I’m really busy right now.

Just send through what you have.

Grand Madam Queen Mistress of the Universe Kat Kennedy Esquire (I have no idea what that means…).

2. The Unprofessional

HIIIIII!!!!!!

My name is Kat Kennedy LOL.  I SOOOOOOOOOOOO want your books.  Can you, like, send them to me right now?  😛  I will love you forever cause that would just be teh greatest.  You’re like, WAY better than any of those other publishers!  I asked them for books and they didn’t give me N E THING.  But I know you guys are heaps cool.  You send ARCs to my bestfriends’s boyfriend’s chiropractor’s assistant’s ex-girl and I know she’s like a total showbag (IYKWIM!) so I know you’ll definitely approve me because people like me and they do what I tell them to!  I don’t know when I’ll be able to review them but, yeah.

I saw this and I thought of you guys!  Hope you like!

 

 1. The Identity Confused

Dear Eliza Brinksworth

Hachette Australia

21 Jump Street

Sydney Australia

Hi, my name is Kat Kennedy and I’ve always had a passionate love for HarperCollins titles.  I’m looking at expanding that love by acquiring print arcs.  There are several Simon and Schuster titles that I am currently interested in.

My blog is mainly Young Adult and is entitle Hardcore Monkey Sexy Times.  I can’t wait to read some of Harlequin TEENS new books and I look forward to working with Macmillian for future endeavors.

 

Regards,

Helseef Baszguad.

Tolkien Forgot to Mention Me Blog

53 Responses to “Five of the worst ways to ask for print ARCs”

  3. Giselle

    BAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* BAHAHAHAHAHA

    Epic!

    Which one are you guilty of? You sent a cute kitty picture didn’t you? You so did!!

  4. Lynn K

    I was about to sleep when a notification for this showed up in my inbox. Made me laugh so hard, I’m wide awake now. ( T_T)

  5. Johanna

    Ahahahahahaha! *wipes tears* Ahahhhahaahaha! *wipes tears again* Bwaha–err–okay, I’ll stop now. Hilarious as ever. Now let me laugh it all out. XD

  6. Kara @ Great Imaginations

    Brilliant. I watch your tweets (I’m a stalker) and I know what inspired this post. You crack me up. Thanks for always being willing to try something new. I would say this was a successful idea! 🙂

  10. Lisa @ Fic Talk

    I like the swagger best. Although the confused identity had me all: Whaaaaaat? Hachete then Harper then Harlequin? WTF! Lmao.

    Thank you so much for that.

  12. Mireya

    Dear Kat,

    Plueze plueze p-l-u-e-e-e-e-z-e, next time, post a warning … I almost destroyed my monitor with coffee.

    kthxbye

    M.

    Now seriously, it’s hilarious… and sadly, I can recognize at least 3 of the above as happening re: requests of romance ARCs for review… that includes the kitten picture one…

  13. Katie @ Blook Girl

    Sonofa… I missed something didn’t I? DIDN’T I???!!! ::sobs::

    Hilarious, as always, Grand Madam Queen Mis­tress of the Uni­verse Kat Kennedy Esquire! 😉

    I am totally going with The Swagger. I am _positive_ that will work, playing hard to get and all…

  15. Stepping Out of the Page

    Hahahaha, my favourite is definitely ‘The Unprofessional’. Also scarily want to try these out just to see the response… if they did reply, of course.

  16. Kate C.

    I’m sure this is full of inside jokes for you and your fellow book bloggers, but I thought it was hilarious. Especially the first one. New Girl was my favorite show this season.

    I have to say, I enjoy your blog’s side posts as much as the reviews the both of you post. Good stuff.

    PS- When do we get to read about the character battles???

  17. Yeti

    Which one which one??? I have to know! I know which I would have done, lol! Can you guess by the way I’m writing this comment, sooooooo obvious! lol, haha, love everyone! And I would have thought I was coming across as friendly, now I know better…fml!

  21. Shiku

    Seriously, already the first one killed me. Guess I can get a very good night’s sleep now, so thanks!

  23. Sarah (saz101)

    SHIT!
    *RUNS TO E-MAIL*
    *RETRACT! RETRACT*
    WHERE’S THE UNSEND BUTTON?

    Err, no seriously… I see what you’re doing there, with the REALLY GOOD ADVICE hiding behind the humour 😛

  24. Tammi

    I LOVE this. It is so hilarious. Would it be okay if I posted/linked to this on my blog?

  25. KT Grant

    Not going to lie, but if someone emailed me for an ARC and sent me a cute kitten picture like the one post above, I wold give it to them.

  26. Lexie B.

    So . . . I would’ve been laughing hysterically if I wasn’t so preoccupied by the mystery of which one YOU happened to send. I’m going to guess the first. (Or maybe that’s just my wishful thinking.)

  28. Joie

    Dang it! And here I thought pictures of kittens were the keys to all my bookish desires! 😉
    Oh gosh, this was too darn hilarious!

  29. Tellulah Darling

    Brilliant. With extra awesomeness for euphemisms and Canadian sausage!

  30. Jenny

    This made me laugh. Well said. But um, did Pinkie Pie write #2? I kind of heard her voice when I read it!

    PS: Where do you come up with these names? Bottom-Luck Squag (from the book cover post) & Helseef Baszguad? LOL Winning.

  33. Esther

    Oh, The Identity Confused. I’m pretty sure I slip into that category… but only by maybe 20%. I blog about probably too many different things at Esther’s Blog, located at roseywinterrose.blogspot.com. I thinks maybe me should consolidate some things? Hmm…

    Very fun & entertaining blog post, as always.

  34. Syahira S

    this is so priceless. Honestly, I think its way too much energy for me to build up all that just for an ARC. I had a feeling the publishers have treasure troves of these types of requests.. or even worst!

  35. SpiritFox

    This is hilarious – I can so imagine these happening! Some people are clueless (or naive for some).

  39. Tina

    ‘Fess up! Which one did you do? This is excellent, laughed so hard. I wanna do them all!! Ok, maybe not.

  43. Lisa

    I always think how ridiculous I would should to a publisher….Hi my name is Lisa, I have this wimpy blog with 5 people who I think follow me. Sigh, I would laugh at myself too

  48. Amy

    This is totally great and hilarious! XD I love this! I’ve been trying to request physical ARCs for far too long (with no success), but I’m happy to say my emails have never looked like this. What a fun post!