1. If a guy is a jerk then he’s just passionately in love with you.
2. Unless you’re not hopelessly attracted to him – in which case he’s likely a psychopath and will likely try to kill you.
3. No situation is so dire that a pretty dress won’t improve upon it.
4. Make friends with hopeless dreamers so that they can sacrifice themselves on your behalf later.
5. Every paranormal creature can become a love interest if it is rebooted to be made hot enough.
6. Zombies only eat annoying and unnecessary people.
7. He doesn’t want you for your body. He just wants to sleep next to you. Every night.
8. You don’t need to date. Just fall in love.
9. You have a clockwork watch? IT’S STEAMPUNKIN’ TIME!
9. Violence is never the answer… unless it’s dystopian violence!
10. A blonde, rich, popular girl at school will fixate on you and bully you mercilessly for absolutely no reason.
11. If there is a mystery, it’s bound to be about you and your real dad/secret paranormal heritage/unique life long supernatural skill.
12. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl defeat ultimate evil. Boy and girl kiss. Boy and girl get married. Maybe boy and girl have sex some day. Maybe.
14. Intense obsession is just another way of saying, I love you.
15. If someone is going to save the world/survive/undermine the evil government – they’re probably young, white, female and they’ll do it with the aid of a stronger, smarter man.