Five of the worst ways to ask for print ARCs

Wednesday, June 06, 2012 Posted in Musing Musers 39 comments
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…And I did one of them!

5.The Threat:

To Whom it May Concern,

My name is Kat Kennedy from Cuddlebuggery and I am interested in receiving Print ARCs of your Young Adult titles.

The Print ARCs need to be untraceable, placed in unidentifiable garbage bags and delivered at 6PM on the corner of Barber and Kurt Street, Sydney.

Do this and I will release your daughter, unharmed.  Well, it’s either your daughter or Zoey Deschenel.  Actually, I’m not sure who it is, but she cries a lot and has eaten all my Canadian sausage.  That’s not a euphemism.  Please deliver the ARCs so I can get rid of her.  That is a euphemism.  I have enclose a picture of her so you know I am serious.  She’s the one in the center crying:

Regards,

Kat Kennedy (Armed and Dangerous)

4. The Pleading:

To Whom it May Concern,

Look, it’s been a hard year on me.  After my pet goldfish passed  away I was distraught.  But then I heard about the Magic Gay Fish book, Teeth, by Hannah Moskowitz coming out this year and I just KNEW I had to have it.  Not that I think my fish was magical.  But the fish always did have an appreciation for my shoes.  Look, I’m BEGGING you.  I’m pleading with you!  I only have two options for recovering from this.  Either you send me a print arc of this book or my only other way of grieving is to eat my pet fish in order to become one with it, absorb its spiritual energy and help its soul move on.  I’ve been grieving and inconsolable so my fish actually passed away a few days ago.  It’s starting to smell and all so if you could get back to me soon as to whether you’ll send an arc or I have to eat my dead, rotting goldfish, that would be great.  Please see the following pleading if you require further information about how desperate I am:

PLEASE!  OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!  PLEASE!  I NEED THIS SO BAD!  DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME ON MY KNEES?!?!  YOU DO?!  I ALREADY AM!  OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE APPROVE ME!

PLEASE!

Yours sincerely,

Kat Kennedy and Fluffy The Goldfish’s Ghost

3. The Swagger

To Whoever,

So I was in the neighborhood and someone mentioned you guys at some point.  I thought to  myself, “Why not email them and see if they have SOMETHING that will impress me?”  So yeah, give it your best shot.  To be honest, I’m not expecting much from you guys.   I saw some title you’re offering.  Harry Potter?  Yeah, okay.  Send me them and I’ll tell you what I think.  Just don’t expect much.  To be honest, I’m really busy right now.

Just send through what you have.

Grand Madam Queen Mistress of the Universe Kat Kennedy Esquire (I have no idea what that means…).

2. The Unprofessional

HIIIIII!!!!!!

My name is Kat Kennedy LOL.  I SOOOOOOOOOOOO want your books.  Can you, like, send them to me right now?  :P   I will love you forever cause that would just be teh greatest.  You’re like, WAY better than any of those other publishers!  I asked them for books and they didn’t give me N E THING.  But I know you guys are heaps cool.  You send ARCs to my bestfriends’s boyfriend’s chiropractor’s assistant’s ex-girl and I know she’s like a total showbag (IYKWIM!) so I know you’ll definitely approve me because people like me and they do what I tell them to!  I don’t know when I’ll be able to review them but, yeah.

I saw this and I thought of you guys!  Hope you like!

 

 1. The Identity Confused

Dear Eliza Brinksworth

Hachette Australia

21 Jump Street

Sydney Australia

Hi, my name is Kat Kennedy and I’ve always had a passionate love for HarperCollins titles.  I’m looking at expanding that love by acquiring print arcs.  There are several Simon and Schuster titles that I am currently interested in.

My blog is mainly Young Adult and is entitle Hardcore Monkey Sexy Times.  I can’t wait to read some of Harlequin TEENS new books and I look forward to working with Macmillian for future endeavors.

 

Regards,

Helseef Baszguad.

Tolkien Forgot to Mention Me Blog

My Twitter profileMy Facebook profile

Kat Kennedy

Kat Kennedy is a book reviewer and aspiring author in the Young Adult genre. She reviews critically but humorously and get super excited about great books. Find her on GoodReads.
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39 comments
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Syahira S
Syahira S

this is so priceless. Honestly, I think its way too much energy for me to build up all that just for an ARC. I had a feeling the publishers have treasure troves of these types of requests.. or even worst!

Esther
Esther

Oh, The Identity Confused. I'm pretty sure I slip into that category... but only by maybe 20%. I blog about probably too many different things at Esther's Blog, located at roseywinterrose.blogspot.com. I thinks maybe me should consolidate some things? Hmm... Very fun & entertaining blog post, as always.

Kim
Kim

What is the right way to request an ARC?

Christina (A Reader of Fictions)
Christina (A Reader of Fictions)

Bahaha, very nice. Did you succeed when you tried one of these methods? Also, in the unprofessional one, what does IYKWIM stand for?

Jenny
Jenny

This made me laugh. Well said. But um, did Pinkie Pie write #2? I kind of heard her voice when I read it! PS: Where do you come up with these names? Bottom-Luck Squag (from the book cover post) & Helseef Baszguad? LOL Winning.

Tellulah Darling
Tellulah Darling

Brilliant. With extra awesomeness for euphemisms and Canadian sausage!

Joie
Joie

Dang it! And here I thought pictures of kittens were the keys to all my bookish desires! ;) Oh gosh, this was too darn hilarious!

Lexie B.
Lexie B.

So . . . I would've been laughing hysterically if I wasn't so preoccupied by the mystery of which one YOU happened to send. I'm going to guess the first. (Or maybe that's just my wishful thinking.)

KT Grant
KT Grant

Not going to lie, but if someone emailed me for an ARC and sent me a cute kitten picture like the one post above, I wold give it to them.

Patricia
Patricia

Hilarious. :'D I wonder what would work the best.. Hmm.

Tammi
Tammi

I LOVE this. It is so hilarious. Would it be okay if I posted/linked to this on my blog?

Sarah (saz101)
Sarah (saz101)

SHIT! *RUNS TO E-MAIL* *RETRACT! RETRACT* WHERE'S THE UNSEND BUTTON? Err, no seriously... I see what you're doing there, with the REALLY GOOD ADVICE hiding behind the humour :P

Max C
Max C

This is epic. 'Nuff said. *snorts with laughter*

Shiku
Shiku

Seriously, already the first one killed me. Guess I can get a very good night's sleep now, so thanks!

Yeti
Yeti

Which one which one??? I have to know! I know which I would have done, lol! Can you guess by the way I'm writing this comment, sooooooo obvious! lol, haha, love everyone! And I would have thought I was coming across as friendly, now I know better...fml!

Kate C.
Kate C.

I'm sure this is full of inside jokes for you and your fellow book bloggers, but I thought it was hilarious. Especially the first one. New Girl was my favorite show this season. I have to say, I enjoy your blog's side posts as much as the reviews the both of you post. Good stuff. PS- When do we get to read about the character battles???

Stepping Out of the Page
Stepping Out of the Page

Hahahaha, my favourite is definitely 'The Unprofessional'. Also scarily want to try these out just to see the response... if they did reply, of course.

Carl
Carl

So...which one did you do?

Katie @ Blook Girl
Katie @ Blook Girl

Sonofa... I missed something didn't I? DIDN'T I???!!! ::sobs:: Hilarious, as always, Grand Madam Queen Mis­tress of the Uni­verse Kat Kennedy Esquire! ;-) I am totally going with The Swagger. I am _positive_ that will work, playing hard to get and all...

Mireya
Mireya

Dear Kat, Plueze plueze p-l-u-e-e-e-e-z-e, next time, post a warning ... I almost destroyed my monitor with coffee. kthxbye M. Now seriously, it's hilarious... and sadly, I can recognize at least 3 of the above as happening re: requests of romance ARCs for review... that includes the kitten picture one...

smiling_ina
smiling_ina

So hilarious and totally made my day!!! :D

Lisa @ Fic Talk
Lisa @ Fic Talk

I like the swagger best. Although the confused identity had me all: Whaaaaaat? Hachete then Harper then Harlequin? WTF! Lmao. Thank you so much for that.

Pocketful of Books
Pocketful of Books

Tee hee. I sniggered. Oooof I once accidentally emailed the wrong publisher. I cringed so much when I found out. x

Fangs for the Fantasy
Fangs for the Fantasy

*snorfle* Sad thing is? I imagine every single one of these has happened several times

Iffath
Iffath

*bursts into laughter* dying.

Kara @ Great Imaginations
Kara @ Great Imaginations

Brilliant. I watch your tweets (I'm a stalker) and I know what inspired this post. You crack me up. Thanks for always being willing to try something new. I would say this was a successful idea! :)

Johanna
Johanna

Ahahahahahaha! *wipes tears* Ahahhhahaahaha! *wipes tears again* Bwaha--err--okay, I'll stop now. Hilarious as ever. Now let me laugh it all out. XD

Lynn K
Lynn K

I was about to sleep when a notification for this showed up in my inbox. Made me laugh so hard, I'm wide awake now. ( T_T)

Giselle
Giselle

BAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* BAHAHAHAHAHA Epic! Which one are you guilty of? You sent a cute kitty picture didn't you? You so did!!

Parajunkee
Parajunkee

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Kat Kennedy
Kat Kennedy

@Parajunkee: is your laughter ironic? It is confusing me! So many has and they're evenly spaced.

Giselle
Giselle

@Kat Kennedy: It's like an humorless robotic laugh.

Parajunkee
Parajunkee

@Kat Kennedy: Actually laughing at the cat -- gawd, didn't you pick up on that through my spacing????

Kat Kennedy
Kat Kennedy

@Giselle: it's making threatening moves against my children. I'm sure of it.

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