…And I did one of them!
To Whom it May Concern,
My name is Kat Kennedy from Cuddlebuggery and I am interested in receiving Print ARCs of your Young Adult titles.
The Print ARCs need to be untraceable, placed in unidentifiable garbage bags and delivered at 6PM on the corner of Barber and Kurt Street, Sydney.
Do this and I will release your daughter, unharmed. Well, it’s either your daughter or Zoey Deschenel. Actually, I’m not sure who it is, but she cries a lot and has eaten all my Canadian sausage. That’s not a euphemism. Please deliver the ARCs so I can get rid of her. That is a euphemism. I have enclose a picture of her so you know I am serious. She’s the one in the center crying:
Kat Kennedy (Armed and Dangerous)
4. The Pleading:
To Whom it May Concern,
Look, it’s been a hard year on me. After my pet goldfish passed away I was distraught. But then I heard about the Magic Gay Fish book, Teeth, by Hannah Moskowitz coming out this year and I just KNEW I had to have it. Not that I think my fish was magical. But the fish always did have an appreciation for my shoes. Look, I’m BEGGING you. I’m pleading with you! I only have two options for recovering from this. Either you send me a print arc of this book or my only other way of grieving is to eat my pet fish in order to become one with it, absorb its spiritual energy and help its soul move on. I’ve been grieving and inconsolable so my fish actually passed away a few days ago. It’s starting to smell and all so if you could get back to me soon as to whether you’ll send an arc or I have to eat my dead, rotting goldfish, that would be great. Please see the following pleading if you require further information about how desperate I am:
PLEASE! OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY! PLEASE! I NEED THIS SO BAD! DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME ON MY KNEES?!?! YOU DO?! I ALREADY AM! OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE APPROVE ME!
Kat Kennedy and Fluffy The Goldfish’s Ghost
3. The Swagger
So I was in the neighborhood and someone mentioned you guys at some point. I thought to myself, “Why not email them and see if they have SOMETHING that will impress me?” So yeah, give it your best shot. To be honest, I’m not expecting much from you guys. I saw some title you’re offering. Harry Potter? Yeah, okay. Send me them and I’ll tell you what I think. Just don’t expect much. To be honest, I’m really busy right now.
Just send through what you have.
Grand Madam Queen Mistress of the Universe Kat Kennedy Esquire (I have no idea what that means…).
2. The Unprofessional
My name is Kat Kennedy LOL. I SOOOOOOOOOOOO want your books. Can you, like, send them to me right now? I will love you forever cause that would just be teh greatest. You’re like, WAY better than any of those other publishers! I asked them for books and they didn’t give me N E THING. But I know you guys are heaps cool. You send ARCs to my bestfriends’s boyfriend’s chiropractor’s assistant’s ex-girl and I know she’s like a total showbag (IYKWIM!) so I know you’ll definitely approve me because people like me and they do what I tell them to! I don’t know when I’ll be able to review them but, yeah.
I saw this and I thought of you guys! Hope you like!
1. The Identity Confused
Dear Eliza Brinksworth
21 Jump Street
Hi, my name is Kat Kennedy and I’ve always had a passionate love for HarperCollins titles. I’m looking at expanding that love by acquiring print arcs. There are several Simon and Schuster titles that I am currently interested in.
My blog is mainly Young Adult and is entitle Hardcore Monkey Sexy Times. I can’t wait to read some of Harlequin TEENS new books and I look forward to working with Macmillian for future endeavors.
Tolkien Forgot to Mention Me Blog